I'm sitting on your bed watching you rub lotion downs your arms. The smell of vanilla turns around and sits on your green blanket next to me.

"Hopefully you don't have to carry me home this time."

I focus on your face to see you smiling.

"Sorry?"

"Remember? When I got that burr in my foot and you piggybacked me all the way home?"

"Oh right! Yeah."

I laugh with you. Your freckles are like a spray of sand wind-whipped across your face.

Your eyes widen, looking behind me and you wave out the window.

I look out and my heart falls.

"Periwinkle!" Your boyfriend shouts his stupid nickname for you joyfully.

You run to the front door and into his arms.

I knew he was coming today. I was just hoping against hope he wouldn't. Maybe he would get the flu or have to look after his brother or just not want to come.

But here he is.

He swings you around before putting you down and lifting a hand to his forehead. It shades his face so he can see me walk up behind you.

"Hey Celia!"

His smile looks so genuine. His eyes are sparkling and his hair is flopping over his eyebrows. I wish I could hate him.

"Hey."

I smile back.

The hardest part is seeing him look at you. Seeing him love you. It's how I would look at you. You're happy and I wish you weren't. I'm sorry. The worst part of loving you is wishing no one else did.

It drips from every letter - the absence of insight. The projections of the demons, unrecognized pain. The alterior motives, the corruption of art, and the weakening of the soul. We see it everywhere. Pretend to be blind, it is easier! The price of sight is pain. The price we'll pay for the present... the future cannot contain it. The price of sight is pain, the price of insight is suffering. Beauty cannot last without strength, and though we have mastered the former, the latter still remains. We'd rather busy ourselves with the mastery of forms, since mastering ourselves is much less appealing - the former brings beauty, the latter brings strength. The opposite of strength is deception. You may lie beautifully, but your lies will never outlive you. If I rarely speak with beauty, but my words remain, which of us speaks well?

Authenticity and pain are inseperable, and neither can be denied. The denial of simplicity is the path to new wisdom; it is a path often walked alone, away from the droves and herds of the human animal. No one will know you when you leave, but everyone will wait for your return. You will want them at the beginning, but not at the end. The path will be suffering, contradiction, and darkness, but no other paths exist. I'd rather walk that painful path than drink the poison of the lilies, and lie among the grazing masses, on the fields of our green-plastic weakness.

#Philosophy

Feel my lips almost touch you.

My fingers almost roaming over you.

My kiss almost kissing you.

Feel your arousal at my almost touch.

Almost kiss me

As I disappear.

i sleep alone

i dream alone

i wake alone

i eat alone

i run alone

i shower alone

i work alone

but i am not

lonely

the teenage emblem

of a stereotypical vision

a flash on a screen

edited with precision

emits narcissism

among people who judge

an image of yourself

makes some hold a grudge

and along with the post button

comes anticipation and pain

phone-dwellers scrolling past

confidence down the drain

questioning your beauty

without having someone by your side

insecurity in being the center of attention

where your imperfect face can’t hide

for a hundred likes

just aren’t enough

tears falling on a deleted picture

but hey,

that’s just the non-important teenager stuff.

Beauty

Is the once

and soon to 

Be ugly...

A fleeting

instaneous

recognition

Betwixt two...

Of Age & Youth

Between the

Temptation...

and the Good

...the Being &

Its inspiration

of love and

of loathing

A body...

knowing spite

...and envy yet

Blameless being

...Beauty is 

the branding

of fickle

imagination

#WhatisBeauty #Challenge

I miss you and I just saw you

I'd kiss you but I just clawed you

It's too risky to adore you

Why do I miss you when I just saw you?

Floating words seep endlessly out of my

mind like a sink with the tap left on

bouncing off the walls of my dark room

never hitting the pages of my despair

Emotions of hatred and rage engulf my

heart, consuming the man I once was

and the remnants of my soul are pleading for it to stop, but the fire burns uncontrollably

Little words bounce off the edges of my ears

”compassion and forgiveness“ are heard over and over but they never find their target and just become noise

Loveless passions turn to expressless

carnal acts of violence and the remnants of my soul go unrested as the passion and fire of a once full heart throbs orange as it’s fire slowly goes out

Imagery stumps me as these scenarios play from the words that seep out of my wired mind like a visit from the ghost of Christmas yet to come, “this is the future if you do not let your heart grow”

I hold tightly to the scent of you, until it’s completely overtaken by the sugary sweet smell of all of me.

I’m incomplete without it.

You are sunshine, smoke and salt, and without you, all my vanilla sugar cookie clouds are just fluff.

You’re my balance.

My better half, the grumble to my giggles.

You make me a better person, because how could I not strive to be as good as you deserve?

You’re my favorite, my best, and the only forever I’ll ever see.

And the world, for all its bad and baffling and bizarre, is still good and kind and warm, because you are in it.

You are all the words I’ve ever found, and all the words I cannot form. You’re every love song ever written, and the reason there is always a song in my heart.

I can’t say it enough, and I’m incapable of saying it to the full extent it lives in my soul, because there aren’t words that go that deep.

So I’ll just say I love you.

❤️