Bring it on!
It was only a Category One.
But it was our very first hurricane, for the cats and me, so I dragged the giant, overstuffed armchair to the dual window set closest to the front door, pulled up the blinds, and the three of us settled in to watch the show.
There wasn't much to see. The most excitement happened on our back patio, when a catastrophic crash brought me running to find the patio umbrella and a few flimsy chairs had been upheaved and lay recklessly on the remnants of my better other's former carefully tended tomato plants.
Then I looked out the front window again as the rain thrummed furiously at every available surface, and the wind howled and raged at everything in it's path; and then I saw him. My reclusive, seemingly grumpy old neighbor, standing outside, in the midst of it all, face turned upwards to the sky, and his fist pumping into the whooshing air, akin to the likes of Lieutenant Dan, from "Forrest Gump", and the iconic storm scene.
It was actually the best part of the hurricane event, and I have held a special curiousity and reverent delight for that peculiar neighbor ever since. I recently discovered that he rescues stray cats and has an impromptu sort of kitty hospital inside his home. I'm pretty sure he's a writer. Oh, did I mention we live in a mobile home? Good thing it was only a Cat. 1. (;
Vanity
Vanity is the shadow,
Shoving me out of her spotlight.
Vanity is my nemesis
And my adoration
at the same time.
Vanity is my only
certain truth, and
Vanity is
Vanity is Vanity is
Vanity is my constant denier, t denier,
Compulsive liar.
Vanity
Takes my insides
And sets them afire.
Vanity is never eligible
as my competitor,
She sits smugly
On my furious breath,
As I burn with desire
That will never
Entice her.
Vanity is
Stunning,
Breathtaking,
Heartbreaking.
Vanity
Is my gut,
Slowly twisting.
Vanity is
My darkest
Nightmare.
Vanity holds the whip,
and the human souls
become frantic
for the grace
of her luscious smirk.
Vanity is all those things
I could never be.
Vanity is self possession
hard and sexy
graceful with wicked delight.
Vanity
is always on time.
Vanity has everything.
You'd think it would
fill her up inside.
Vanity loves money,
Rents her soul out
by the dime.
She's witty and clever,
wickedly sensual,
holds grudges forever.
Takes bribes from the Devil,
doesn't hold her breath
or think twice about being a rebel.
She always hot
always ready.
Never unsure or giddy.
She knows what she wants
And how to get it.
She will never regret it.
She shoves me down
with her lust
and perfect nails
unapologetic and aesthetic.
Vanity is hollow.
Never full of sorrow.
Despises children,
Kicks cats
Hates happy thoughts,
Hopes for nothing
Plans for tomorrow.
Vanity will cook my heart up,
Eat it for breakfast
Chews
doesn't swallow.
When i start thinking about what i want, the world grows for me; but I have to force my vision to widen for the possibilities, like the dilation of pupils to encompass more light.
If I was truly given free rein, I suppose I would satisfy every whim and desire that comes to mind, generally barred in by the constricts of reality. I want to go parasailing and take a ride in a helicopter. I want to go scuba diving in the Mariana Trench. I want(want, want, want; I'm such a hedonist...), I want to ride horses, and buy beautiful clothes, and explore the underground of the Vatican...
I could go on, and on, and on, but now I am out of time, and have to toil away for just enough money to survive so I break my back for an indifferent world again tomorrow, so I will cut my list short and adjust my blinders to default once again into life in narrow tunnel mode.
Sunshine Stare Down(cliff notes apathy version)
judgement scorns me
death ray stare
wonder what
i am doing here
music
pain
become synonymous
the same
try to steer my mind
out of my sight
push against
the waste
as my day
turns into night
it's all I can
think about
as the cliff
gulps down
my mind
my might
don't diss my facade of bliss
you ignorant masses
my joy wears armor
deflects you with candor
no thrill in her
laugh track
risk in exposure
another day cuts away
no thrills to be found
no happily ever after
her smile
always
one step away
from disaster
Unplug me and Life can be divine
Unencumbered
Weightless
Invincible
Non-feeling
Unemotional
Aloof
Paradoxically
An emotion within itself
A freedom in the lacking of
Don't want to name it bliss
For then bliss it will become
Soon I will be back to human
Full of labels
Unwrapped and undone
Beribboned then
Unfurled
Open me up
And I'm out of luck
Tangled up
In my wishes
And my regrets
Sorrow for my haves
And have-nots
Happiness heavy
For the despair
Is an expert stowaway
Finds all the crevices
And trapdoors.
Hijacks the light,
Darkens corridors of delight.
...the spell is broken,
not even noon and my hands
have scrambled for anything that resembles a vice,
Unlucky enough to have fallen
within my sight.
I am tormented, i am angry,
I am amused by the wickedness of ironic delight.
I am shamed by my pridefulness,
Basking in the glow
Of my thoughts
Found deserving in another's
Eyes.
...human again.
Swallow your whiskey,
Exhale your toke,
Laugh at yourself,
Cuz you're just another bloke,
Just another sucker,
Until this rollercoaster stops.
(Spoiler alert- the attendant went for a bathroom break, was bludgeoned in the stall. Your ride is magically invisible, you are restrained so you won't fall, your destiny is set, your fortune cookie says, "You are fucked!" And that is all.)
Surface Tension
She falls off the stand
The one she made
to lay her ground.
The ground
She found
Was not solid
At all.
But ever hanging
With the whims
And demands
Of not her.
Again and
Again
She adjusts her platform
To undulate to the shape
Of another's Lifescape.
No blame
Cuz her stance she
Made to
Break.
This time though
She really thought
The rebar
Would foil her tricks.
Must be black magic
Concrete that is hollow
And falls in on itself.