Don't see yourself through your eyes. See yourself through mine. I mean, who do I run to when I've done something stupid? Who never fails to make me feel better when I had a bad day. Who know the only word that can make me smile and laugh at the same time? I know you're thinking you're hopeless because the people at school treat you like shit but they won't be here in three years. I will. They're irrelevant background noise in your story, and I'm the supporting character. I know I have the tendency to talk about myself too much and to not listen like I should, but I'm here and I'll always be here, even if you have to speak louder to make sure I hear you.

Look, I'm afraid of heights but I'm here on this ledge with you. Even if I fall you and you live, this will be worth it because you're the important one in this. I know you don't like when I talk like that, but to me, it's true. I'd give my last drop of blood to save you just like I know you'd do for me. I'd cut my fingers off wrestling a knife from you and only be mad I can't flick you off with that hand anymore. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, which is why I want you to think in terms of me and not in terms of you. You just see trash but I see the dirtiest diamond ever. I mean seriously, who is going to get my dirty jokes and punch me when I fart in the car?

I know just seeing a tear fall from my eyes worries you because you think I'm the strong one through this, but I feel the same hearing you talk about yourself in such a negative way. I mean, where am I going to get a better brother from another mother? And to replace such a stellar part? I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a paper clip like I almost did in fourth grade. I've never been one to call you out on your bullshit, said no one ever, but this is the worst idea you've ever had. I mean, do you know what will happen to me if you do this? I'm going to do it too and go to the gates of hell, grab you by the neck, and strangle you until the devil needs to put on a coat.

Can't you see that this is killing me? I mean, I love you. Not in the way your ex-girlfriend was supposed to, but as someone I can't fathom being romantic with because I don't want to lose you as my friend. I would rather lose my sense of taste (and you know how I love to eat) than see you be in pain. Please, put the knife down. Let me clean you up and let's go watch Family Guy. I can't lose you. You're the most important thing in the world to me.

The troubles and emptiness you hope to escape are born of the void that is you. If you can choose to make peace with the raw material of nothing- the absurd wonder of being- you will see there's nowhere and nothing to escape...only more of the same. I can't say that authoritatively, but it makes some sense. So, while you're here and I'm here, however that came to be, let's see about learning to laugh at this heart-wrenching madness. Besides, we're already "dying" anyway. Give it time.

I know. 

The darkness– it's comforting. 

The shadows have a way of making you succumb to them, 

without ever uttering a sound. 

This world? 

It's ugly, I know. 

Your heart? 

It hurts, I know. 

I know because I once swam headfirst into the blackness. 

I, too, felt the cold smooth blade of a razor in my hand. 

I wanted to jump. 

I wanted to die. 

There is something you should know, 

before.. you know. 

Think about how the sun feels on your skin,

while your lying in the grass. 

Think about the way you can hear their hearts beating, 

when you hug someone you love tightly. 

Hold your breath. 

Hear your pulse. 

You. are. alive. 

That is for a purpose. 

Your heart is beating, 

because you still have life to live. 

You can see your breath against an icy window, 

to show you that there is still breath within you to breathe. 

Put down the blade. 

Step back from the ledge. 

Breathe. 

In the beginning there was only silence

Just a haunting note

Supposed to be a remedy, a prayer in our time of mourning

But I wasn’t ready to say amen

3 calls straight to voicemail

Until even stuttered hallelujahs are swallowed

In the pressing silence

Suddenly I am as alone

As you must have felt

When you swallowed those pills

Knocked back Xanax like some kind of savior

Taking communion in the holy stillness, of your own mausoleum

I bow my head

As imagine your face as I last saw it

I wonder for the first time

If you were lying

When you last said you were happy

If you lying

When i last asked if you were okay

And you said don’t worry

Because now here I am

Reciting the only prayers I know in a church

Lit by candlelight in the impossible emptiness of Midnight

So I’m reaching out to you

Pull you down from your holy cross

As if my love will be enough

To force the air back into your lungs

As if my faltering faith will be enough

To bring the life back into your eyes

And maybe then you will fall back into place

Beside me at this altar of life

Let me reach inside of your skin

And hold the fractured pieces of you together

They say suicide is a sin

But you don’t believe in God

And if I were to worship anyone it would be you

Lay my unworthy body at your feet and pray for forgiveness

Drink the blood of my sins and cry out

Dear God I need a miracle

Turn this holy water into wine

Resurrect this boy I once loved

For now he is all skin and bones

I digress

Make me clean

Set holy fires in my bones

Save me from what I will become

When you are gone

Please send me a sign,

And tell me,

Did it come to you in a sudden thought?

One moment you were breathing deep and slow

And next you were falling into the pit of your own mind?

Or did it wash over you like forgiveness

The sky of your thoughts fading into night?

And when my knees are bleeding like your wrists

At the altar of your sorrow

I will move on

Put misplaced faith aside and take you into my arms

Make a home for you inside these ribs

Gently guide you away from the grave you dug yourself

Fill the holes with truth 'stead of empty promises

Within these prayers

I beg of you

Beware of black holes

Your body is a temple

Crucifixion will not fill the emptiness in between your ribs

Will not make you holy

You are all that you have

Let the sharpness go

Breathe in and

Say it with me now,

Amen

It happened in the library, maybe that's the place they realized the two needed to plan. The library is where it all started, where it all came to a dark ending. Shots had been fired, children had been murdered, lives were to be scared for the rest of eternity, they still share pictures, they share tears. The students that day in the library can protest the nature of it, Sixteen year olds will cry out the evil nature behind those who taunted them with bullets. Eric and Dylan had such an imagination, or maybe that is what their parents told friends when they were children. Nowadays Dylan's mother is apologizing publicly to those her son had hurt. To the children lost because of what she had created and loved. Eric is left forgotten in his family, or so it appears, they ignore him to the best of their abilities, nobody can forget the way his laugh sounded underneath the spray of bullets, nobody can forget the thirteen bodies Eric and his best friend left behind. Most even got a glimpse of the last bodies to fall, Eric and Dylan's that is. The last two shots in that library were directed towards their own heads, Eric through the top, Dylan to his mouth. The library is where it happened. The library is where most cannot seem to enter.

Her eyes opened wide at last,

She was finally awake.

And she looked about around her:

Oh shit! There must be some mistake!

She had a splitting headache

And her throat was sort of sore.

She wasn't sure exactly what happened,

She just didn't know anymore.

Finally she became aware:

That she was in a dirty comforter,

That smelt of axe and men,

That her body was naked and bare.

She was in a stranger's bed,

With the sheets stained with blood,

her thighs a burning red.

And she began to slowly cry.

The other side of the bed was empty.

He must've gone to class.

And he left her there forsaken.

She felt like broken glass.

She quickly checked her phone-

She needed a ride back home.

But then she found herself in pictures

She'd never have wanted to be shown.

A stifling cry as she began to remember

Where she had met that man.

He had seemed nice enough.

As nice as a stranger gets.

He had gotten her a drink,

And she took it with open hands.

But then she had fallen asleep-

There was something wrong with that drink

And he had taken her innocence

When she was too weak to get up and leave.

She didn't get to resist,

She didn't get to say "no,"

And she was so embarrassed to go.

So she kept her mouth shut.

When she saw him on campus

She'd duck her head.

When her friends asked why

She said nothing had happened.

And when she tested positive

She wasn't allowed to have an abortion-

And there was no other way out.

Her parents couldn't let

Their unwed daughter be a mother

So they told her there was no choice-

She'd have to wed him or end her life.

So one day at the dead of night...

She plunged into her heart a knife.

I love you, you know

Only you don't

I spy on you through the curtains

Of your window across the street

I see your biceps flexing, your pecs firm

And I imagine you placing your arms

Around my shoulders to comfort me

Tiny me snug in your embrace

But it's more than that, you know

Only you don't

I see a kindness in the crinkle of your eyes

The pursing of your sensitive lips

That would feel like silk against mine

As I threw my passion for you

Into that first kiss

And the next

And the next

So you would understand how I feel

I've written you dozens of letters proposing

That we meet and "try each other on for size,"

Only I've never sent them

If I got caught, they'd lock me up for being a pervert

And I'd be stigmatized forever

And you'd be guilty by association,

Something I would never want for you

So I simply watch as you playfully snuggle on the couch

With your husband

Joke and jest and act as normal as every gay man is

And I am jealous

Jealous because I can't love a woman

The way you love a man

And it hurts

Hurts until my insides twist into knots

And my breathing comes in shallow gasps

I feel normal, but I know if I came out

No one would believe me

I am tainted goods

So I hide inside my feelings

Put on the fake smile every day

And bury my true self

Where no one else can reach

Hoping love will still find a way to comfort me

Despite the abomination

Society says I am

#LGBT #poetry #challenge

Oh, no, I'm straight!

I've failed the world

Why, oh, why can't I just like girls

But boys they're great

I love them, I do!

So straight it is and straight I'll be

I'll find a straight boy just for me!

Barren eyes starved of beauty

cry in rain bursts with the sky

while writer unsheathes pen,

capturing torrents of anger and pain

concealed deeply within her heart,

escaping regrets, sorting them in jars.

Silent bony screams beat on veins,

cold, icy winds search for cathartic exit.

Artist resuscitates dying soul tree

with leftover breaths of darkness.

Heaviness surrounds her heart as she

spits out the embers onto her page,

engraving words on skin of thoughts,

clumps of sorrow, chinks in her walls,

inhaled threats of no tomorrow.

Plants word flowers within herself,

waiting for them to unfold

in delicate blooms protected

from onslaught of bitter storms.

Clouds of despair deafening heart

make room for human spirit, warming

the miracle of life unleashing

in enlightened bolts of enchantment.

Cruel memories whirl into distance

as happiness is unshackled from minds

chaperoning the free flight of sunshine.

The true artist sees the beauty of angst

but captures the fingernail moon of joy

for those who yearn to share the light.

A great husband, he was.

Not.

An excellent father, he was.

Not.

A fine gentleman, he was.

Definitely not.

A true-blue friend?

Mmmm...not so much.

But he is father to my children,

shared DNA to God's greatest gifts.

And he was a catalyst to my betterment,

so heaviness, I could lift.

He was the exact opposite of responsible;

drug-addicted, he left me bitter and hateful,

drowning in the darkness of unrelenting loathing,

but for even that, I can be grateful.

A better woman, I am today,

his role playing no small part;

and as for love, I've gotten wiser,

more careful to whom I give my heart.