Coffee
The afternoon shines a soft glow on his weathered and somewhat handsome face. His gray hair is a little disheveled but not to the point you would consider him an unkempt man. His eyes are piercingly blue. I looked at them for a longer moment and my extremities felt their frigidness. His aspect is of a gentleman from a bygone era. He sits with his back erect and legs crossed. His hands have bulging veins and are considerably graceful; they are disconcertingly inviting and seem so comforting.
The shattering irony crushes my wits. I had yearned for him so many times throughout my journey...
I take another sip of my coffee. Interesting how things taste differently when you are conscious it’s the last time you are having them. Strangely enough, it does not taste better. I am having difficulty swallowing for it feels like a rock is going down my throat. Nonetheless, I want to take every single sip and finish my whole cappuccino as if it’s my self-imposed purgatory.
He patiently waits and mumbles while twiddling his fingers on the table and his head slowly turns around sweeping his surroundings with his gaze. ‘You know this is inevitable now, right?’, he says without even looking at me. Yes, yes, I do know. I nod with my head. Words just escape me and my voice is silent… There is a disconcerting understanding between us that goes beyond language. It is almost as if we have been friends all of my life. His posture actually reveals a certain respect towards my situation. Just as soon as I made life my ally, he comes telling me it is time to retreat.
There was a moment I regarded my existence insignificant. And here is the plot twist – the sole purpose of my odyssey has been to find the significance of ME and now that I am in peace with what I have attained, it is time to walk down the aisle.
I stare at him and with reluctant conviction finally offer my hand. He seemed distracted up to then, but his half smile is wicked now. I slurp what’s left of my coffee just before he touches my hand. We both slowly stand up whilst I take a quick look back at all I am leaving behind. I calmly arrange the crease on the back of my skirt and when my head turns up, my eyes meet with his defiant, but gentle glare. We start walking hand in hand and amidst the whirlwind that are my thoughts; this one dominates the rest and throbs in my head: this end feels more like I am just beginning.
Please, take me in already
Am I a coward who can't face
The daily struggles from the moment I open my eyes or
Am I so courageous that in spite of this heavy unwillingness, I still rise every morning and face these mundane and almost ludicrous tasks?!
What is this?
Why is this so hard for me?
What is the ultimate purpose for this constant fight?
What for and for what?
Everything will inevitably end
Just like all roads lead to an end
A precipice?
A wall?
I would jump if I only knew the fear would cease
I would smash my face with all my might if I only knew the ache would stop
I am ready!! READY, you hear?!
So, please, come and take me
End this unforgiving battle
I am weary
Never Like This
I’ve cried many times
But never like this
I’ve felt loss before
But never like this
I’ve had sad news before
But never like this
I will never forget
I will always remember
Sometimes it’s sad – other times, happy
Your way of walking
How funny your jokes were
How you used to call me
How much you knew about everything
How you spanked me once or twice
How you liked to walk holding my hands
How your big strong hand felt on mine
Your smell and how good looking you were
I will never forget
And sometimes I wonder
Was I ever a disappointment
Have I ever made you proud
None of it matters now
I just wish you knew how much I always loved you
And how much I admired you
Because I’ve met many men
But never one quite like you
Irony
I finally made life
My ally
Tranquility settled in
And this peace so onerous to achieve
A friend I so ardently want to keep
Is it out of malice, Death, you come now?
I am not scared; never was
I invited you before
Once or twice
Such a plot twist
This mockery of my odyssey
I will now accompany you
With a resigned snicker
For the time to part arrives
When the desire to leave ceases
My Onus
Sometimes I surrender
Inebriation conceals this shame
A fear so omnipresent the knees tremble
Daylight will come again
The demon will resurface
It is in my reflection
This secret a load I haul
Constantly
If ever unveiled
Reproach inevitable
My peccability
So grotesque
This burden my companion
The accomplice of my permanent
Disguise
So sometimes I surrender
Inebriation shrouds my reality
For this guilt corrodes
And one day I will retreat
And then
Perish
Peach
There she stands holding the fruit offered to her
Her hand delicately gripping it not wishing to mar it in anyway
Her gaze is of almost veneration with a hint of mischief
Her luscious lips touch the velvety skin and
Then her teeth ferociously yet tenderly sink in
Her eyes close in ecstasy while
The juice oozes out of the corner of her
Enticing mouth
The tantalizing meat is exposed after
That scrumptiously satiating bite
I relish the sight!
I lust to become the
Source of such everlasting titillation