I am bored of my taste
I see people in a small cafe next to my tiny apartment.
An elderly couple with matching gray for their hair, greet each other with a peck on lips. I wonder what they tasted then? He must have tasted the faint bitterness of the coffee she was sipping earlier, and she dry staleness because he drank a whole glass of water as he sat.
A very busy barista with pouty lips, and golden hair. Few of those golden strands stuck to her neck because of the sweat she was oozing out. She must taste like lipsticks, and fresh salt. Her eyes catch the glimpse of a tall figure.
A tall man with a neat gray stubble, in a gray polo and green khakis has an aura around him. Everybody in that small cafe could smell his presence, I am sure he tastes like sandalwood and sophistication.
A poet in me is bored of my own taste. I wonder how I taste like, to other people. Do people miss kissing me, as I miss kissing people?
wanting .
that eyes could say
what sawdust words
never could,
that i could look
and wonder,
and that was that
the possibility of
youth's greatest wish:
kiss
to wrench that feeling
from someone else,
to breath it off them.
the want
to steal it from your
eyes, or your lips
:
to miss
wanting
kissing people
to miss the
//romance
the
//bleeding hearts
to miss what
i missed
to long for the unreachable:
forbidden islands
and landlocked expectations
and wanton undreamt dreams
i miss what
i can't have
&
i miss what
i never wanted
Coco
I had a beautiful cat that we bestowed with a godawful name: Coconut. Because the name was so inappropriate for such beauty, we instead called him Coco, like the undying beauty found in Coco Chanel's lovely creations.
Coco was a stray who landed on our doorstep one cold and rainy February night. He was smart enough that once he'd come inside and finished the bite to eat we'd given him, he immediately pounced upon my chair and and proceeded to curl up directly on my chest just over my heart, as if to say, "Hey there! I know you make the decisions. I like it here a bunch. Can I please stay?"
Needless to say, I was smitten, not only with his beauty and gorgeous midnight blue eyes and Flame Point Siamese coloring, but also with his eagerness to love and his intellect. I often said Coco was smarter than anyone I knew, and I still think that was a fairly accurate assumption.
Over the eighteen years that I was gifted with this ginormous and beautiful animal's soul, I came to realize that he was my Spirit Animal in every possible sense. One look into his blue eyes or one sound of his loud and lamb like meow, and I immediately knew what he was thinking or wanted. If was as if we were on the same mental planes. While I have had several close relationships with animals in my fifty something years, I had never experienced such a profound relationship as the one I had with Coco.
I lost Coco after eighteen blissful years. It was and remains the hardest animal loss I've ever experienced. At times, so intense is my grief that I still cry at the least thought of him. No, in my lifetime there will never again be another sweet animal soul in my life like sweet Coco, for he was one of a kind, unique in all ways, and derived from dreams of legendary cats that once belonged to Gods long ago in far places like Egypt.
I'll miss and love you, Coco - always.
Danny
Danny was only a year old when we rescued him. The day we picked him up I seen a frightened English cream golden retriever, who was shaking from the terror that had endured since he was born. Danny was just fur and bones when I adopted him, he was neglected, hungry and left to die. A heartbreaking moment that would change both of our lives for the better.
Six months earlier I had lost my mother and best friend to a long-term battle with MS. It was the worst day of my life. Prolonged feelings of sadness began to kick in and I was a hot mess. I was lost and ready to throw in the towel of life and give up. I spent those next six months with a feeling of emptiness, like an existing void within my broken soul. I needed to make an appointment and talk with a therapist asap. I was later prescribed an antidepressant by my psychiatrist. Therapy helped, but sometimes it wasn't enough. Three rounds of three different antidepressant medications and it didn't do me much justice.
When the medical approaches failed me, a family member recommended a better one. She told me about a dog who was in desperate need of a new home and family. Mind you, I never owned a dog in my life and didn't even know where to begin as far as rescuing one, but it would all fall into place and come together.
Shortly thereafter, we made arrangements to rescue the dog and the minute I seen the trauma behind those puppy dogs eyes, I knew that I wasn't the only one who felt lost. I realized that I needed the dog just as much as he needed me so I took him in. He went by the name Danny, and to keep it simple on him I left his name alone. I didn't want to make things anymore difficult than they already were.
The first week of owning Danny was extremely challenging. He shook like a leaf for the first few days and didn't want to be bothered by anyone or anything. By the second week things eased up and he finally calmed down and came around. He was eating like a normal dog would and I spoiled him with treats, of course. Danny was becoming more affectionate and lovable as time went on. Him and I developed a strong bond in such a short period of time.
That empty place in my heart was no longer empty and my soul was no longer broken thanks to Danny. He filled my heart with all the love that I needed. For me, it was a light of hope that gleamed from the end of that dark tunnel and it was more than enough to mend my broken soul back together.
Danny is my best friend. He always greets me at the door when I get home from work and he's always there to sleep by my side at night. Sometimes he can be a pain in the ass but I wouldn't trade him for the world.
It’s Time
I had two amazing German Shepherds who I dearly love and miss. Sam passed three years ago at 14 1/2 years - Brandy followed the next year at 13 1/2. They were a great match. Sam was ever protective and watchful of those he loved. He was my shadow with every step I took he was there. He was a serious soul. Brandy followed a year and a half later and from the get go she was all about the fun.
We always joked that if they had theme songs - Sam's would be "Taking Care of Business" and Brandy's would be "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." So fitting. Sam passed three years ago - he looked at me and drew his last breath and he was gone. He passed close to midnight right before Easter Sunday, so the animal crematory was unable to pick him up until that Monday. They told me to tuck and wrap him in a sheet and they would come early Monday.
On Easter I went to visit my husband who was battling numerous health issues. When I came back I looked in the foyer where Sam was and I was puzzled I couldn't figure out what I was seeing. When I came closer it just took a moment before I began to do the ugly hard cry. Brandy, who was not known for being generous...for example if they were given a treat and if it was something she wasn't particularly fond of she would watch Sam who loved everything gobble his up then sit there casually with hers while he drooled staring intently at her uneaten treat....when he finally began to raise up to make his move she would lean down and swallow it....same with the outside water when they were playing she would rush to the water bowl drink until she had her fill and as Sam panted waiting patiently for his turn she would take her paw and flip it emptying the bowl...but that Sunday in the foyer my broken heart was just torn to shreds. In front of him she had placed her favorite nylabone.
The next morning when the young man came to pick him up and I was telling him and he said, "please leash her up as we take him out." He carried Sam and the bone with him. She sat patiently as he loaded him and the bone. She watched as he turned around in the cul-de-sac and she raised her as she was trailing the scent. She got up and walked across the yard staring as he went around the curve. She and I stood there for a few moments before walking in. Dogs are just amazing beings and blessings. They love large and pure.
I am about to do what I didn't think I could ever do again...a couple of weeks ago I went to meet a litter of four week old German Shepherds. Our school year ends on May 27th and I will be picking up a girl named Houston. Let the adventures begin.