What Is Love
Every day, someone writes about love, talks about love, angry about love, even frightened of love. Love is a concept of entwining emotions we can neither physically see, hear, taste, touch, or smell, but it sure does know how to heighten a person’s senses and awareness when with someone they are attracted to.
When I was thinking about this, I remembered something I wrote a long time back. I dug around my stacks of papers and finally unearthed it.
I am no road scholar when it comes to love but over the years I have come to understand what you will read are only a few of the many principles love holds.
Consider this what you will. Conception. Perception. Perspective.
Enjoy.
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What Is Love
Defining love, and its concept isn’t as easy as it sounds. Love is, has, and always will be the one word in the English language (or any language), that is defined by adjectives and adverbs laid onto paper, and words which roll off the tongue.
For countless centuries, “Love” has been a prime force of every novel written, be it romance, gothic, westerns, horror, drama, mystery, adventure, and comedy. Love has told the story of some of the greatest love relationships throughout history. From Adam and Eve to Jesus Christ. Cleopatra and Antony, to Romeo and Juliet.
But, in using words to describe love with such words as: beautiful, dear, darling, sweetheart, and of course, I love you. It isn’t the telling that defines love, rather more the showing; the expression of that love which becomes the main focus or central ingredient.
You can say, “I love you,” twenty-four hours a day, and it wouldn’t mean a thing if you cannot express yourself—and the ways are many.
A simple hug or smile, holding a hand, giving a card for no other reason than you care (and it shows what he/she means to you in doing so), sending/giving flowers, planning a getaway for a few days, sharing responsibilities, such as cleaning or painting a room or working on all that “stuff” in the attic. For men: cook for her for a change of pace, and don’t forget to put the toilet-seat down (and for as funny as that may seem, it isn’t funny to her), and put the cap back on the toothpaste when finished. In the long run, all it is doing is showing simple respect when due, in the form of love.
Being able to see your partner’s abilities and talents as a person is vital as it is important. Notice the little, as well as the bigger things during the course of the day. Ignorance may be bliss but being ignorant means too much is being missed. Again, respect what is done, how it was done, is another sign of love. It shows how much you value your partner, even when away from him/her.
Another way and this is important; is communication. Listen to what is being said, as well as what is not being said. Listen to problems or ideas. By hearing, listening, and not pretending; take a real interest in thoughts expressed, allows you to be even closer.
Yet, the reverse holds true as well. You can communicate without words. There is that certain look in the eye, or that curving smile. The way hands are held and fingers interlock. The playing around to have each other laugh, to stroking a cheek, to a simple short kiss. All of these things are a form of love … better known as understanding.
When deeply troubled by sadness, scared, confused, your partner or you, should be there to share the burden and help ease the pain and sadness, and perhaps even fear. There will always be times when the weight of any pain will be too heavy for one person to carry alone. That weight should be, has to be, carried by two people. This is love. This is also known as being a friend when a friend is needed most.
Physically, making love is perhaps one of the least forms to express love. No two people can make love around the clock the rest of their lives and survive on that love. Of course making love is the closest two people can be to express love, but it’s really a small slice of the pie in the relationship when you look at love on a larger scale.
And yet, making love is an internal act of expression. The art or act of love, must or should be pleasurable. That feeling where making love should feel never-ending (though it will and does) and go beyond forever. Both you and your partner should shudder with the most intense, satisfied feeling ever experienced. Complete fulfillment.
With fulfillment as with other things considered, we have to come back to the important issues: laughter, and communication. Laughter, because lovemaking should be fun as well as passionate (and not like a job you dread). Communication is a given, but when the conversation becomes one-sided, that is where love begins to fade as does the sun to darkness, or the moon to morning light. As with everything mentioned, tenderness needs, privately demands to be felt. Holding, touching one another as if to say, “I care deeply and will never let go.”
In a sense, love is like a general giving orders to his men. Each man plays an important part in what has to be done, otherwise, there is only failure. So goes the way of love.
Emotion, understanding, respect, trust, honor, truth, passion, communication, humor, thoughts, and friendship are a direct path leading to love.
Three aspects round this out. The heart holding all the feelings of expression, and the mind for realizing what is truly wanted. As long as you keep your mind straight and your heart true, there will always be love.
Were you to go blind, you can still see the person you love because you have your mind. If you could no longer speak, you can still feel the love because of the emotions you carry in your heart.
The third aspect to consider, is sacrifice.
If, or when you do fall out of love, don’t stand in the way of that person’s happiness. To do so, would put your own future happiness out of sight. Bitterness and hate chews away at a human soul and clouds thoughts. Hate is like a cancer. So is fear. They too can eat away at the very person you are until both physically and emotionally you destroy yourself. With love, comes pain, but the pain becomes a lesson learned.
But cast away hate, fear and pain. In or out of love, because of all that was shared, you should remain a friend when needed most.
This is the part that is hard to understand. Betrayal. Even when you have been cheated and lied to, once the love is over, if nothing else, erase the hate. The pain will take time to heal the inner you. But remove the hate, and possibly, over time, you could be simply a friend once more. Hard for many to do, but it is doable.
Call it human nature, but you do have feelings like everyone else. You breathe, bleed red, laugh and cry like anyone else. You need to be loved every bit as much as the next person.
If it is so wrong to feel this way and you already do, then I say, don’t change. If you have never felt this way, perhaps your need for a change starts now. Love is also accepting change.
Know what is important. The choice is yours alone to make.
Love is about making choices.
6/14/1995
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(The first two lines of the poem in the picture, you cannot see)
I am not always right
I am not always here
Dreaming of Freedom
I’m in the pit again.
It’s not completely dark down here, not anymore. I’m used to getting dragged down there, it was beyond my control, but now I’m wise to those wretched hands. I see them before they can grab my ankles - young, pale, but covered with broken skin, black dirt, chipped, sharp nails etruding from the swollen fingertips, drawing blood from my unscarred skin like secrets from a willing snitch.
My own body betrays me.
I see these hands now, and stamp on them. It’s not a permanent solution, but it gives me time to grab some things - books, fairy lights, a soft chair, some blankets, so I can decorate the pit a little and make it less dark.
The fairy lights, and a lamp with a flickering light bulb that needs changing, illuminate this area a little. My eyes are unfocused by shortsightedness, slightly blinded by tears, so the lights seem blurry and far away. I’m feeling more than geographical distance from you today...
I’m comfortable down here, but I can’t stay here for ever. But I can’t get out without asking for help. But I can’t ask for help.
Am I a coward? Perhaps. What scares me? Rejection? Being mocked, or dismissed? Or maybe I just don’t want to burden people with my problems anymore.
I feel trapped, not by the pit, but by all of you. I’m obligated to be your friend and include you in my life. If I’m not happy, then it affects you, which affects me, because I love you all so much. My personal god, Ganesha, the one I attempt to channel and embody successfully so that my soul grows towards him and eternal happiness, is the remover of obstacles. I may feel low, depressed, in a pit, but it’s counterproductive, it does not help me achieve my primary goal in life if I drag you down here with me. I’d rather stay stuck so that you can all be free.
Yet I want you here. With me.
I want all those compliments that I rejected before. I want you to tell me how much you love me, how much you value my existence, that you need me and want me to be happy. I want too much from you right now. It’s not fair.
Maybe I don’t want but need you, but you don’t need this. It’s depression without reason, it’s biological sadness, I am tired and this was probably something I could have prevented by sleeping more.
However, I couldn’t sleep last night. Or any night. Sleeping is not something I’m good at...but I could improve. I know how to, I know what I need to do, yet I don’t.
Why am I so irrational?
Why do you love me?
Why am I worth it?
I’m feeling a bit braver. I want to ask you these questions, I need to hear what follows your “because...”. I’m just scared I’ll annoy you so much that you’ll see the real me and will end this long distance relationship, as you should.
As you sit at your gloomy desk at work, unaware of the vicious cycle of thoughts running around in my head like lab rats on caffeine, you are rightfully undisturbed. I’ll sacrifice my chance for freedom today and I’ll stay in this pit. You are worth it. Today, I want you to be free of this burden. The burden of me. I hope you feel free, even though you aren’t.
I can deal with this on my own. I can process and eradicate this pain. I can and will liberate myself.
One day, I will have my freedom, and we will enjoy it. Together.
#challengeoftheweek #freedom #depression #mentalhealth #prosechallenge #prose
