last week the fire alarm went off
everyone filed out of their classrooms
but my teacher told us to wait
until the intercom buzzed and
explicitly
told us there was a fire
he didn't say why
but we all knew.
yesterday we had a lockdown drill
the alarm blared and they told us to
lock the door
stack the desks
pile on the chairs
hide under the remaining tables
away from the windows
always away from the windows
make sure they don't know where you are
my teacher never told us who
they are
but we all knew.
yesterday my english teacher apologized to us
not in so many words
that she was sorry we were inheriting
such a shitty world.
a shitty world where we have to practice
barricading ourselves in the classrooms to hide from shooters
where we can't walk out the door if the alarm goes of until we're totally sure
said shooter isn't roaming the halls
where we never talk about it outright but
we all know.
tomorrow it's going to be the same
the next time i hear about a shooting my stomach will churn
but there'll be that slight twinge of relief
one more time it wasn't my school
one more time i'm safe.
the day after that
the week after
the months
years after
we'll keep hearing about those shootings.
we'll hear about those high schoolers
middle schoolers
those innocent, wide-eyed
kindergarteners
with their whole lives ahead of them
gone.
and every time we do
the shock might feel less real
the gut-wrenching feeling of imagining the family's pain
might subside even quicker
because whether we see it or not
we're becoming numb.
whether it's practicing how to hide under desks
or reading about the four-hour lockdown in the next county over
it's less and less surprising to us because it's so...
normal.
today is the day we have to do something
to change this scary level of normal
before tomorrow becomes the nightmare
we're so relieved to avoid.
our inheritance of a shitty world
can become the gift of a
safe world
to the next generation
and the generation after that.
it shouldn't be about dodging the bullet this time
but making sure that nobody else
ever has to.
Eternity
I once bought a girl an eternity ring
Eternity I thought was forever
It lasted another month or two
Then she left for someone more clever
It took a while before the pain had gone
And then I met sweet little Mary
At six foot two and eyes of blue
And a chin that always looked hairy
Mary and I were made for each other
And decided to marry in spring
Our love would last for eternity
And I’d already got a spare ring
©Julian Race 24/5/2021
All Lives Matter
"All lives matter,"
they say.
"Don't be so selfish.
Everyone suffers,
so stop minimizing our suffering."
All lives matter.
When you refuse to wear a mask in public,
your life matters.
When you hate those around you for trivial things,
your life matters.
When you allow crimes to go unpunished,
your life matters.
You want to desperately for your life to matter
that you discard the lives of others.
You say "All lives matter,"
but that's not what you mean.
What you're really saying is
"My life matters."
You say it to convince yourself
because even you don't believe it
anymore.
When someone says "Black lives matter"
you look on in disgust
calling "them" hypocrites
for wanting the same rights as "us."
Yet they're not the selfish ones.
They want a life where it's safe for their children.
Where they can walk the streets
with pride on their faces
and not fear.
When you say all lives matter,
you're giving everyone a glass of water.
But some people already have endless water,
and some people need much more than a glass.
In order to have equality,
we must first level the playing field,
and it's not level yet.
Never
My fingers linger
wrinkled t-shirt
stuffed
under my mattress
I feel so lonely
missing him
I hold the cotton
to my nose
and sniff his scent
pungent, masculine
and remember
who he was
and what he meant
to me
why did he leave?
I still loved him
remembered his laugh
the way
we would stroll
along our beach
and he would say
how much he loved me
memories flooded
the wetness
of our lovemaking
the whisper
of our words
the feel
of his body
and the day
when I wept
as the rich earth
was shoveled
over his casket
and he vanished
from my life
but never
from my heart
the moon
I often wonder
What is so special about the moon?
It is basically a ball a darkness
disguising itself as light
stealing from the sun
giving what doesnt belong to it
talk about the greatest lie of all time
iiOr shall I say the greatest thief of all time
it's the devil in disguise
But then
I guess better the devil you kknow than the angel you don't
Right?
travels through dreamland
a cabin at the edge of the marsh.
sloping hills covered in withering trees, bark turning black.
picnic baskets filled with food that no one will eat.
sharks in the water.
an adirondack chair at the edge of a dull shore.
watching the waves as they crash, forming a wall.
someone i know and love, but she keeps changing until i don't recognize her anymore.
i think that broken people see the world for what it is
broken and cruelly twisted
and writers see the world for what it is and accept it
as something beautiful and poetic
but in the end, nothing will change the fact
that the blood is red
no matter how poetically you describe it
someone's bleeding out and
the world is crumbling
