I see it,

It's coming for me,

like a speeding arrow

shooting towards its target,

I can see the bullseye

on my chest, slightly to the left

I thought I had covered

that little space

that holds all my feelings,

But I forgot how vulnerable I was,

How utterly torn open

that hole is

on my chest, slightly to the left

You took your aim

far too quickly for me to dodge,

I should have known

you'd find a way to distract me,

You fooled me,

Why didn’t I notice your constant

desire for that spot

on my chest, slightly to the left

I feel the sting of exposure

as the arrow hits its mark,

It was easy for you

since I never once thought

that you'd actually have

such good aim for

that crevice

on my chest, slightly to the left

Now I feel so broken,

Like how I felt before

wasn't even

how bad it could get,

You've shoved your way in

to that crack

on my chest, slightly to the left

You've stolen my only hope

of getting put back

together,

If I could erase one single thing

I wouldn't hesitate

to throw away

that speck

on my chest, slightly to the left

Then you'd have

no way to get to me,

My liability

is the weapon you use

in this war against

that now invisible place

on my chest, slightly to the left

We claim to fear life

And the way it cuts like a knife,

We fear

The pain

And say it hurts

Like the thing under our shirts

That beats

Each second

And stings like the burn

Of a red branding iron

We fear

Our hearts

That they might reveal

The lie we’ve tried to conceal,

But it

Always shows

And it hurts so much

For reasons we can’t quite touch,

We fear

The truth

That sets us free

When we don’t want to be

It’s Like

We're trapped

Inside our own cage,

Wallowing in pointless rage,

We fear

Our fear

Echoes in and echoes out,

Whispers turn into a shout,

Their voices prowl through my thoughts,

hissing things I can’t make out,

They talk the same way fires burn,

sapping life with no concern,

I'm dry and cracked and limply dragged

to the point of no return,

Stumble through the mess of tears,

Watch them liquefy my fears,

Maybe it's just perspiration,

sliding gently to my ears,

Smoke and lava sear my skin,

Carve my walls all paper thin,

Crying never left me painless,

Hide behind my plastic grin,

Water proves thicker than blood,

I drown in a salty flood,

Nothing seems to be making sense,

Surrender to my heart’s thud,

Will I die to rain or flame?

Both sides think I’m theirs to claim,

Am I asleep or wide awake?

Tell the truth, is life a game?

Cough a song of sorrow sweet,

Block the voices here to greet,

They never come and never leave

as long as I’m here to meet,

Listen to the silent scream,

My heart sweats to form a stream,

Burning yet and forevermore

is me in my fever dream,

One time I took a walk— straight into the ocean,

Fought back the sea

Like it was never gonna kill me,

Settled on heights no further than the misty foam,

Thought I was tough,

Turns out I had it pretty rough,

Couldn’t see past the salinity that stung my eyes,

Glass tinted teal

Shattered against me and all things real,

Wouldn’t be half as hard if I were not alone,

The seabed wrenched

Like death’s cold fingers and left me drenched,

Poseidon himself would have shown me more mercy,

Bought long, white scars

For prices greater than all the stars,

Left every friend behind… to watch me fall apart,

Drowning in shame

For pointing fingers when I’m to blame,

Lost all sense of purpose in this advancing doom,

Here comes a wave,

But there’s nothing left of me to save,

Closed my eyes so as not to feel the icy sting,

Tears fell like rain,

Then I drew a breath… never again,

Last time I took a walk—straight into the ocean,

Died in the sea

’Cause, it was always gonna kill me,

I hold you in my steady arms,

I pull you ever closer,

The caress of your hands in mine

Vows that I'll be your bolster,

Dusk's chill fingers brush against us,

A silent song of closure,

My coat finds its way around you,

Falling across your shoulders,

So why do I feel so alone?

You've now become my captor,

I must have looked like such a woos

To think you'd follow after,

The moon ceases to look amused,

His eyes shine bright with laughter,

'Cause how could I have fallen hard

For one who's just an actor?

A monster in an angel's robes,

Tell me, were you ever real?

Or were you just a distraction

To keep me occupied with zeal?

I'm afraid of the memories

Of what you made me feel,

I didn't think you were a thief,

But my heart was yours to steal,

Soldiers tell the tale

Of those who prevail,

As they down their ale,

Still decked in chain mail,

But now the air’s stale,

And the sky grows pale,

One strives not to fail

But to no avail,

Inhale,

Exhale,

He raises his ax

To cut through the fire,

He’s reached the climax,

He shan’t ever tire,

But then the attacks

Suddenly backfire,

The previous acts

Could never inspire,

Relax,

Respire,

Worse fights will begin

If he takes this route,

The battle within

Fills him with doubt,

He knows how to win,

He lets out a shout,

A warrior therein,

All fear is cast out,

Breathe in,

Breathe out,

She was me, and I was her. Everything she did, every choice she made, and every word she spoke reflected my own. We shared the same mind, the same dreams, and the same drive.

Our experiences were different, but how we saw the world—how we responded to life’s doubts and fears—Is what linked our souls for all eternity.

We could have been so close. We were so close. Oh, but for the foolish things that kept us apart. Kept us from letting down our guard and finding each other.

Self-criticism, in its many forms, stood like a mirror between us, revealing our flaws in full detail. I was so focused on what I saw, that I didn’t realize who was on the other side. I wanted to look like so much more than I was. So much more than anyone could be. Had I looked a little closer, I would have noticed the lie behind my black eyes, which shone with the darkest of secrets. The lie that I had been telling myself since the day they first opened. From the first step I took, I walked in life’s shadow, not even seeing her beside me for the lack of light I allowed into my heart.

Maybe if she had been more open—more willing to share her insecurities—I would have noticed her, finally having found someone who understands what I’m facing. But no.

She and I were linked by a force that was stronger and far more dangerous than understanding. We were linked by the very thing that kept us separated.

Instead of standing in front of that mirror, dwelling on the person staring back at me, I should have stepped around it. Then I would have seen her standing there, on the other side, wrestling with the same doubts, the same fears, the same lies.

I left her to suffer because I was too blind to see past my own instability.

We should have been the closest of friends, inseparable through every tribulation.

We should have been so close.

That mirror drove us further away than either of us realized.

It kept us apart. We kept us apart.

And we never found each other.