Voicemails from Mom

She seems so near, but is so far

Subtle warm nuances in her voice

I remember so well

Hello! It’s your momma!

Everything’s ok, no need to call

I’m going out shopping, be back in a while

How I wish I hadn’t missed those calls

Time is short

All I have left is frozen within this phone

To hear your voice leaves me bittersweet

I hear you breathing

Unfinished sentences

I miss your voice

I’m thinking of you today

22.02.2022

2:00am Musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

Under the willow tree... 

The scar remains to this day

It reminds me of you

He was a beautiful boy

I could not have loved him more if I had given him life myself

I knew him as a child

I knew him as a man

I knew him as a father

He was my boy

He was a jokester, his smile lit up the room

Standing in our kitchen... dancing, laughing... 

doing the sprinkler, chain saw, lumberjack.

We had a wonderful, laughing time when he visited

Midnight swims in the pond

Adam was a beautiful person, caring and loving, he was a precious human being

He owned a piece of my heart

His untimely death takes with him a piece of my own

A needle ended it all

I have traveled a lifetime with Adam, from child to man. 

I was always there when he needed me. Through good and bad, right and wrong, he found a safe haven here in my home, in my my heart.

Rest in peace my precious boy. I will love you forever, and you I'll see you on the other side

2021 2:00am musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

As I am sitting here enjoying spinning this beautiful, but very unruly cloud of oh so soft wool this morning. I decide that I am just going to loosen up and not try to control this.

You see, it is full of short cuts and tangles, some smooth, some thick, some thin, some rough, some bumpy... and it occurs to me, LIFE is like that!

We have all of the above, good and not so good, smooth and not so smooth, a lot of bumps in the road.

That doesn't make it bad, it makes it a challenge. When we learn to work with it and give it permission to just "be", it will result in something beautiful.

The raw fiber now spun into finished yarn illustrates that once it was a basket of confusion, but add to it some time, some love, perhaps a hint of color, and I can prove that in the end, perfection happens.

02.07.21

2:00am musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

Whether the day is good or bad

The sun will rise to a new day

Whether there be peace or unrest

The sun will rise to a new day

Whether goodness and light prevails

The sun will rise to a new day

Whether evil rules

The sun will rise to a new day

We can be sure that whatever happens

The sun will rise to a new day

05.07.21

2:00am musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

I lower my head and cry

I cry for you and me

I lament for our children

I weep about the uncertainty to come

I long for better days

I have lost my way

I wonder what has happened

I am stuck in the darkness

In a room with no doors

I can’t wake from this reality

I again wake to a new day

I realize that I can paint the black walls white

I can create a fresh canvas if only for me

In my room with now white wash walls

I see a single phrase

It reads “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”

I am comforted

If only in this moment

I am reminded that my reality is what

I make it

09.08.20

2:00am musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

Woe falls heavy onto the earth here in the last days.

Terrible deeds are done upon the unsuspecting and most innocent

Evil is on the lips and in the hearts of those who call themselves leaders

A plague upon the land brings fear, uncertainty and death

Humanity suffers and we are silenced

Take a shot, you soon have no choice

There are no answers and we are asked to trust

Trust the words coming from the mouths of the wicked

The world is gray and sad

No hope

In the midst of my grieving over all we have lost I look out through the glass

Beyond my window stands a tall tree

shimmering like diamonds in a veil of sparkling ice

The sky this evening is blue with crisp white clouds as the sun begins it’s climactic end of another dreary day

It is beautiful and a smile escapes my lips

I wonder how many beautiful moments remain as the world is sucked deeper into depravity

The birds sing blissfully unaware of the misery below

They will survive the insult on humanity

There are many days I wish I was a bird

As we brace against the collapse

The birds will still sing

As we all die

29.02.21

Musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

Woe falls heavy onto the earth here in the last days.

Terrible deeds are done upon the unsuspecting and most innocent

Evil is on the lips and in the hearts of those who call themselves leaders

A plague upon the land brings fear, uncertainty and death

Humanity suffers and we are silenced

Take a shot, you soon have no choice

There are no answers and we are asked to trust

Trust the words coming from the mouths of the wicked

The world is gray and sad

No hope

In the midst of my grieving over all we have lost I look out through the glass

Beyond my window stands a tall tree

shimmering like diamonds in a veil of sparkling ice

The sky this evening is blue with crisp white clouds as the sun begins it’s climactic end of another dreary day

It is beautiful and a smile escapes my lips

I wonder how many beautiful moments remain as the world is sucked deeper into depravity

The birds sing blissfully unaware of the misery below

They will survive the insult on humanity

There are many days I wish I was a bird

As we brace against the collapse

The birds will still sing

As we all die

29.02.21

Musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

Woe falls heavy onto the earth here in the last days.

Terrible deeds are done upon the unsuspecting and most innocent

Evil is on the lips and in the hearts of those who call themselves leaders

A plague upon the land brings fear, uncertainty and death

Humanity suffers and we are silenced

Take a shot, you soon have no choice

There are no answers and we are asked to trust

Trust the words coming from the mouths of the wicked

The world is gray and sad

No hope

In the midst of my grieving over all we have lost I look out through the glass

Beyond my window stands a tall tree

shimmering like diamonds in a veil of sparkling ice

The sky this evening is blue with crisp white clouds as the sun begins it’s climactic end of another dreary day

It is beautiful and a smile escapes my lips

I wonder how many beautiful moments remain as the world is sucked deeper into depravity

The birds sing blissfully unaware of the misery below

They will survive the insult on humanity

There are many days I wish I was a bird

As we brace against the collapse

The birds will still sing

As we all die

29.02.21

Musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

My name is really Bud, but you can call me Sally. I’m the other woman.

You lie, sneak and cheat for me. I’m in your blood. You need me and love me more than your wife and family. I always win.

She cries and begs you to leave me as I sit back and laugh with my feet propped up waiting. She worries and I don’t care. You’ll always come to me.

She can smell me on you, I’m in your every breath and pore. Its fun when you lie and hide me. It’s my favorite game. You say “I’m done with you”, but I toss my head back and laugh. You’ll be back. I know.

I’m even familiar to your friends. They love me too. I’m a whore. I get around and I am everywhere. I don’t even have to be near, and you think of me. You think of me every minute of every day. Your mouth gets wet for me. You need to taste me. You want me. I bring you comfort. I put you to sleep. Who needs a wife when you have me. I’m always within reach.

I have seduced and murdered your family, and yet you still love me.

I cause heartache and grief, it’s my joy. You need me and want me so much. I am elated to know that I will be in your blood when you say your final goodbye. I will move on.

You have kids that need me too. I’m working on one right now. He’s thinking of me too. There’s enough of me to go around. I’m not faithful to anyone and I love men, women and children. Maybe a little part of me will worm into the brain of the tiniest ones. That is my hope. I’m not selective. I’m a whore.

I’m shameless. You can use me any time, anywhere and I will always come back. I’m always here for you. I will love you and come to you. Hold me and bring me to your lips. Again and again. I’m all you need. I’ll follow you anywhere. I’ll help you drive, I’ll go to work with you. I am always here. You love me.

I’m waiting patiently for you to leave your wife. I love you more. She’s no match for me. I am winning. You love me more.

Sally

2020

Musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind

Woe falls heavy onto the earth here in the last days.

Terrible deeds are done upon the unsuspecting and most innocent

Evil is on the lips and in the hearts of those who call themselves leaders

A plague upon the land brings fear, uncertainty and death

Humanity suffers and we are silenced

Take a shot, you soon have no choice

There are no answers and we are asked to trust

Trust the words coming from the mouths of the wicked

The world is gray and sad

No hope

In the midst of my grieving over all we have lost I look out through the glass

Beyond my window stands a tall tree

shimmering like diamonds in a veil of sparkling ice

The sky this evening is blue with crisp white clouds as the sun begins it’s climactic end of another dreary day

It is beautiful and a smile escapes my lips

I wonder how many beautiful moments remain as the world is sucked deeper into depravity

The birds sing blissfully unaware of the misery below

They will survive the insult on humanity

There are many days I wish I was a bird

As we brace against the collapse

The birds will still sing

As we all die

29.02.21

Musings of a post menopausal insomniac mind