She loves you so much, but I think she is jealous of me.

I think she doesn’t want to share you with me.

She wants to know that you’ll come to her before you come to me.

The thing is, she doesn’t understand our connection.

She can’t possibly, because she’s never experienced it.

It’s not her fault she likes control.

She’s a bit selfish and that’s ok too.

She tries to like me, but I see can see through it.

I want her to love you.

I want her to want you to be happy.

I want her to be there for you.

I want her to support you and be proud of you.

I don’t want to compete with her.

I shouldn’t have to.

You shouldn’t have to choose.

I hope one day, she’ll stop trying to deter you from me.

I hope one day she’ll stop projecting her experiences on you.

I hope one day she’ll trust that I’m not taking you from her.

I hope one day she’ll want you to have the thing she could never truly find.

I really do love her, even though she secretly dislikes me.

this life isn’t what I wanted. please take me back to when I could hide my pain when I could hide the things I saw. I lost my sister, I lost a friend I lost my hope for love. what else shall be lost hm? every time something seems good, it’s gone in seconds of me reaching to hug it close. Gone, a simple enough word don’t you think? But it hurts to say. Hurts, that’s another one...I say it a lot, only...in my head. I’m a private person, even my mom doesn’t know much. I keep things to myself as much as possible and yet I ask others to tell me things. Not a good friend huh? I don’t know

the sun comes seeping into my room as I lay awake wondering where am I, where do I go from here? I’m so confused, do I get up or stay here and try to sleep? I don’t know.

When we see how amazing someone is, yet they fail to see their own greatness we often try to build them up. We lovingly tell them all the extraordinary things we know they can achieve in hopes that they will believe us.

Only, I think this maybe where we go wrong to some decree.

That’s because we’ve built such high expectations for this person, that it now becomes, in their mind, an unrealistic expectation. Thus creating a greater fear of failure and more pressure on that person.

Of course I’m not saying that we shouldn’t encourage people to aim high. I just think it is more beneficial that when you do, that it’s a reasonable goal that they feel can meet.

This reduces the pressure or fear of failure and becomes something actually obtainable to them in their mind.

By lowering the bar of expectations the goal can be met much quicker without instilling more fear. And the sense of accomplishment that’s rewarded, raises the expectations they have for themselves, which in turn encourages them to aim even higher with their next goal.

Just my thought anyway, but what do I know?

It sucks, you know.

When everything finally looks fine then,

it all crashes again?

And the worst part is,

I really don't want to try and put

it all back together again,

but I have to.

1. kiss a boy, two years ago precisely and step back

2. watch as he falls in love with another girl

3. move on- well say you moved on, act like you move on

4. don't move on- write it down in scabs and scars on lined pages.

5. physically move on.

6. talk to him again when he sits beside you, when he looks at you.

7. ask about his day.

8. care about it.

9. when he invites you over in the dead of night, when the streets are empty of witnesses- go.

10. invite him to drinks, only because you can feel his hand on your leg days later burning

11. buy the beer he recommends, it tastes like burnt weed in your mouth, but buy it anyway.

12. when he shows his room to your friends linger, lean against his desk.

13. laugh softly when his fingertips bounce against yours

14. wait for him to look at you.

15. kiss a boy. Now.

16. (wait. repeat?)

My wife gave birth the other day,

Bringing my son into the world just this last week.

Holding my baby boy, I watch my wife call her friends,

Joyfully shouting inaudible shrieks.

I go out for a drive to get some food

And to get some fresh air.

I don't drive. I don't listen to music. I don't touch the keys.

I sit. Alone. In silence. With a blank stare.

Then an epiphany hits me,

like a car driving into a wall.

Casting my gaze to my phone. I scroll through my contacts.

Realizing that I have no one to call.

Friendships that long since ended,

If they were ever my friends.

A family that pretends that I don't exist

With zero plans to make amends.

Turning the ignition, I drive off into the night.

Speeding 20 above the limit.

No where to go, but I'm going there fast.

Thinking. What's the point of this whole gimmick.

Who needs happiness? Seriously, what has ever been accomplished by happiness? Do the paintings of Vincent van Gogh look like the work of a happy person? Was the life of Belisarius a happy one? Were any of the slaves that built the 7 wonders of the ancient world whistling while they worked?

Looking back at my life. Anything that I ever accomplished took a lot of effort, it took lots of time and sacrifices. Not once has "being happy" helped me accomplish anything. Not once has happiness brought me any kind of fulfillment or long-lasting peace. The times where I focused on myself, were also the hardest times to look in the mirror.