No, my name isn’t Pandora and no I’m not cursed and no I don’t own Pandora’s box. So stop asking me! My name is Aserlyn. My title means that I am also the goddess of organization, but if you think you’re going to stick me behind some desk and make me some sort of secretary, you better hide all your valuables because i’m putting them in boxes and you’re never going to open them. My symbol is a cube (not a square) and my animal is the box jellyfish. My worshippers are the Cubes. They’re mostly made of secretaries, teachers, and parents, but don’t underestimate them. If you put your valuables into a box, I will be sure to protect them with my life, but if you even think about destroying a box for fun, I will personally stick a box cutter through your eye.

If I belonged to the Greek Pantheon, I would be Goddess-of-All-Trades ... my followers would be called 'Jacks'. They would be wannabe MacGyvers, who don't wish to be adept at one thing, instead want to amass as many skill sets as they can!

They're the perfect amateurs at everything they do, and mind you they do many a thing!

If they're not learning guitar on their off days, then they're swashing paint on the wall, creating new epitomes of modern art.

They're usually busy saving the day, a bridesmaid dress needs a last minute stitch or the company photocopier is spewing pages out! They have got it all covered!

Hmmm....the symbol would be the flower Carnation which means 'Flower of Gods', in Renaissance art. Though I don't mind fruit Grape too, wines are divine!

I am Hurtemis the goddess of relief. People pray to me when they hurt, and I send them braces to hold themselves together. My worshippers are called the crippled as that is what they are when they reach out to me. My symbol is a knee brace with bright glowing lights as knee braces have kinda saved my life. I'm represnted by the zebra as that is the animal of rare conditions which are the people who need me the most. I became this Goddess to help others who are doomed to live a life full of constant pain, just like I had when I was but a mere mortal. My fellow zebras are the ones I help the most, sending braces and wraps and sometimes medication too. I wish I could get rid of all the pain in the world, but that is not my job, and my brother finds it fun to watch the people in agony. I will continue to fight against him and help those in pain even if it means I do so with a cane.

The God of the Barrels eases your pains

His blessings poured over weary refrains

As he works out the kinks

With each sip of his drinks

He provides respite from life's daily chains

The Goddess of Coffee takes over then

Her scent can wake the most hungover men

With each drop of her light

You'll forget your long night

As she breathes life into you once again

It is not the trees or the space between them that makes a forest a forest

for the forest is what lives beneath the earth

It’s roots like veins pumping magic

you’ll hear whispers of the ancient trees speaking in tongues long forgotten

feel the whipping wind about your ankles and the branch that scratches against your cheek

it is the feeling that you are home yet some how still in danger

and it is that fear when you find yourself in the woods alone and see me lurking between the trees

two eyes of autumn gold and grinning

for you are a trespasser both welcome and the enemy

It was a calm day in the air conditioned auditorium. People were gathering from multiple entrances to settle in their seats while the coordinators set up the TVs and Nintendo Switches people would be playing on. Today was a Smash Bros Ultimate tournament and there would be a lot of people. At first there were only a few of the competitors but as time went on more and more of them came until almost all of them were there filling a large portion of the stage. The coordinators counted up the competitors realizing that someone was missing among them. *Bang* opened the doors as a glistening, tall man strode through the doorway. The competitors saw him and their faces went from a fierce look to one of fear for this man was no ordinary man, but the God of Smash Bros.

I am Jarnbjorn, the god of axes. With one swing of my mighty axe, I split continents in half. Once a year, I transform into a great bear to visit my followers. Who I fondly call the Iron Cubs. We celebrate by getting blackout drunk, wrestling, chopping the most trees in the short amount of time, eating competitions, arm wrestling, and axe throwing. The festival lasts for a whole week and whoever stays awake for the whole week gets the title of "Iron Bear" until next year. After the celebration is complete. I hibernate unless my followers call for my aid or the next years festival.

I am the Dispatchia, the Goddess of the Cut-down and of sarcasm. Listen to the prayers of my worshippers:

“My boss insults me. It started when he saw that I have one more degree than him and now he calls me stupid in front of the whole office. I cry every night because I feel humiliated.”

“My boyfriend tells me no one will ever find me attractive and I should be grateful he pays attention to me. He cheats on me but tells me it’s my fault. I do not know how to leave.”

“A man called me ‘beautiful’ and I said ‘I know.’ Now he’s harassing me because I did not accept his compliment as gospel. I did not sleep with him because of his minimum effort and now he’s trying to make me feel guilty for it.”

“I’m a Marine. I just got promoted and every male Marie says its because I got in on my knees. I don’t know how to stop their lies.”

Invoking my name will give you the strength to cut these pariahs out of your life. In that moment, my spirit will join yours and with our combined strength and rage, we will cut down those who oppose you - with the joint power of words and humiliating them in front of their peers. I will make your enemies feel small and weak. They will listen to your words and whither. Your eyes will gleam with fire and indignation and they will cower.

My flower is a dandelion because it not a picky and whiney flower like a rose, who needs the right temperature, soil and food to grow. Dandelions can grow out of the concrete with nothing to feed them. They’ll just feed on your soul.

My animal is the raven. Parrots may talk but a raven understands. They can work out when the street lights change so they can fly down, leave their walnut and watch the cars run over it. When it’s broken and open, they will swoop down and eat it. The Tower of London is guarded by five ravens (the sixth is back-up) and the Tower guards believe that if the ravens ever fly away from the tower - England will fall.

Behold! Be humble and ready to learn at all times. Realize that you can be ignorant and do not know all things. If this is not followed, I will swoop down and knock you off from your pedestal and run you over like a walnut.

#liadvani

#goddessofsarcasm