Every word pulling, draining

my soul has a funnel that pours all my emotion into her

I am left empty, a one-way arrangement where she takes all

every word twisted, sickly sweet

a honey coated trap in which I am caught

she says she cares for me and has me in her heart

and loneliness is colder than the way she treats me in the dark

she is cold,

but being alone is colder.

i have never felt more alone

while being so close to someone i love,

but i know that without her,

i am more empty than i would be with her.

Truly someone must have known

Her troubled heart and mind

I was not in that circle

Remember my first sight of her though

The sad but pretty smile

Even now it haunts my thoughts

Eternity and the veil separate us

Never to be sure of what could have been

Why so mad lad? You Sad? As well as your, how is your dad? (Mr.Sapp)

I got a hunch. As to why your panties are in such a bunch.

The old mans out to lunch. Drinking his own cool aid. Proudly presenting his damned self to punch. Drunk! Skunked!

He’s off the short bus and making a B line for us. Sad set upon Sad. Second sons time has come to do something about Dad. Threes company but Juniors a coward. The old man ain’t himself so I felt empowered.

To act! And that was that. Im glad I finally got to see myself nap the old Sad Sapp out. Erasing some of my own lingering doubts. That worried I’d never get my chance to take the title in a rout.

No Ill will remains. You’ll find none the need to pout. Two wrongs don’t make a right. So no two Sad Sapp’s will go to sleep before making up tonight. Nice and polite. As granny Sapp would’ve liked. Psyched! Call her Ms. Sappy if you nasty. All else take a hike.

She twists in the moonlight

Elena, Patron Saint

of Crushed Spirit,

Our Lady of Rosy Memories

In the warmth of the sun

she craned to meet my lips

fingers interlocked

betwixt the poplar trees

Those moments I cling

to between thrusting breaths

dispassionate, rushed

I remember softer times

Elena, Maiden of Ambivalence

Loneliness is colder

than the way she treats me

in the dark

Loneliness is colder than the way she treats me in the dark

It makes me think of you and when I had your heart

Together we lay here in the silence of the dark

My longing for you is forever but a spark

Loneliness is colder than the way she treats me in the dark.

Loneliness is colder than the way she treats me in the dark

The warmth of the bed does not help my frozen heart

My words are empty and the meanings are all stuck in my heart

I wish I could tell you my thoughts here in the dark

Loneliness is colder than the way she treats me in the dark.

There is a pillow between us.

A sounding resonate of anything but lust.

We may twist and turn,

Throughout the night.

Making sure,

Our bodies are ready for flight.

Toss these heavy pillows away,

Only the coldness seem to stay.

Darkness of the impending sleep,

Restless words... they're haunting me.

And when the sun may soon to rise,

Against, another sleepless time.

Loneliness is here to stay.

The light doesn't keep this darkness away.

I tried to smother the flames

of the spark that ignited in my heart when I first saw you.

Afraid that you didn't feel the same

so I pushed you away

And you pushed back harder.

Cruel words masked the way our hearts screamed out

Begging one another to stay

Screams that would fall on deaf ears every time.

Our toxicity spread like a wildfire

The only warmth we could always feel

is the temporary love shared between us under the sheets

But is this love?

Every time I would leave my heart grew heavier with pain

We watched our flame burn any good intentions we may have had.

And we wonder why we keep crawling back to one another

If this isn't what we want, isn't what we need.

Well...

Because the truth my dear,

Is that loneliness is colder than the way he treats me in the dark.

So I will pick up the phone every time that you call.

How are you?

I’m okay...

Perhaps I am good

It’s just that

The past...

It haunts me

It crawls up every nook on my body

Crawling all over tainting my already tainted skin

The layers build-up

Up, up but not away

Ugh I feel so filthy

All the soap and scalding water won’t ever wash it away

I want to rip off my skin

Gouge my flesh

But It never ends

I remember all the weeping

All the dripping blood

Pools of blood and tears

I remember it all, everything, every single second

The colors...

The haunting azure, the soul-stirring crimson, and the obsidian which made me reminisce of my time in the black hole

The flavors...

The deadly sweet nectar to the falsely comforting bitter coffee

The lovely melancholy scenery

I relive the moments over and over again

While I yearn for it all to end

Perhaps I should just end it myself

I’m tired of existing

I’m tired of me

Myself

All I want is nothingness

The pure comfort of nothing

Nothing

Is that too much to ask for?

Even with all this perhaps I still am good

Thank you for asking