hey guys, it's uh been a while. I kinda took a bit of mental health break due to personal and obvious reasons. I haven't really been motivated to write since the virus, but I did start a sort of short story series. I'll post it soon but I mainly wanted to make this because we hit 69 followers! I feel like we would have reached this sooner but my idiot brain didn't want to write for 7 months. so anyway, I hope to the 69 people who actually read my stuff stick around since i'll be trying to start posting again!

all the best,

denim

heartbreak

have you ever held someone so close to you in your heart that even when they leave, you’re still attached to them. the strings they held around your heart just cut into you, scar you

i loved her so much, and in an instant, she was gone and loved someone else

she was perfect, helped me out of a bad breakup, she even said that i helped her

one day though, she was different

breaking down at her locker saying “i love someone else” as i comforted her and said it was okay

it wasn’t until i was walking home from my bus that relisation hit me

she doesn’t love me

her heart is with someone else...and it’s not me

i even gave her a rose quartz necklace that i made for christmas, a symbol of love

in a matter of days, she was with the person that had her heart, and mine was left to crumble

i cannot count how many nights i had to cry myself to sleep because my heart ached so much.

then my heart actually started to hurt on the outside

listening to the song she had sung for me at our school talent shows, my chest got tight

the left side of my chest hurt so bad that i didn’t listen to spotify for months, in fear it would come back into my shuffled playlist

i realized, looking back at what had happened, that there was still so much i didn’t know about her

but the girl that had her heart did.

to my ex, the girl that broke my heart, the girl that left me because i was too dumb and heartbroken to say anything after saying that you loved another....

i hope you’re doing well

i hope that your new partner gives you everything that i couldn’t

i don’t wish that you would come back, though i did for a while

it still hurts every now and then, but i just want you to have someone that can love you more than i ever did

i want to drink the moonlight from a wooden spoon

let my hands sink into the cool city concrete

walk the night with bare feet that soak up the stars

see the city from a grassy hill under the midnight sky

i want to feel

f

r

e

e

a

g

a

i

n

I filled his cup, but he stole from mine.

He drained my cup, just a couple of dried up

stars were left.

I was left empty for so long.

My cup of love was starting to crack.

Collecting dust and shattering.

I didn't even have any gorgeous sky to lose.

Then you started filling mine.

My cracks were healing, I didn't even know it.

I was filling yours after a while.

You were flooding mine with the night sky, stars

spilling over the rim.

Now I'm flooding yours.

My cup is finally healed.

No more cracks, just the inky sky and

your love.

gay cat and blonde lesbo best friends

find weird glowing sword

sparkle girl and arrow man exist

use sword = become stronk, tall, lesbian

gay cat mad at blonde lesbo

oh no scary skull dude

finds soft scorpian gorl

gay cat hate scorpian gorl

arrow man has two dads!

AND SCORPIAN GORL HAS TWO MOMS!

this queen lady died

skull dude has brother?

sparkle girl dad is alive I guess

lonk hair gurl is alive too!

robot get mad

robot get sab

robot die

stronk lesbo sword break

skull dude's brother takes skull dude, gay cat, and sparkle girl

oh no we have to wait again

in a nutshell = much gay

Dear Reader,

I don’t know who will read this, or if I’ll even post this, but here goes. I’ve heard that writing letters that you’ll never send is good for your mental health, so I’m gonna let some things off my chest here and now. I’ve always been scared of telling other people that I’m not straight. I never had any interest in boys when I was younger, even in late elementary school. I started taking in interest in girls, but I thought it was just me wanting extremely close friendships. Being gay or anything that isn’t hetero has been looked down upon in my family. My view on the LGBT community the first chunk of my life was neutral. My mom always told me that gays were bad and would be punished for their sins, but I never really thought it was wrong. I didn’t really understand, but I always thought I was homophobic, up until a few years ago. When I grew fond of a girl after my first break-up with a guy, I got scared. Really scared. I started questioning myself.

“Am I gay?”

“But I dated a guy, I can’t be a lesbian.”

“What if my family finds out?!”

She asked me out, and my panic grew. I loved her, but I knew my parents would kill me if they find out. I thought I was bi for a while after we started dating, and I let it slip in front of my parents once. They had a weekend long talk with me which involved my mom repeating the same things over and over.

“It’s normal for women to become interested in their body parts.”

“Oh honey, you’re just confused.”

“It’s a phase, you’ll grow out of it.”

I kept dating her in secret, but I assured my parents that I was straight and I did grow out of my so called phase. She recently came out to her parents, and I freaked out. I had pushed all of my fears of my family into the back of my mind, but they came flooding back. I was shaking with fear, but she assured me that they supported the both of us. She.......told me that they said I was worth it. I-I was worth it! Our realtionship was worth it!

Maybe it was my school, but I slowly realized that I didn't really like guys. Half it may be that most of the guys at my school aren't good people, but it's mostly just that I'm not interested. I wish it were that easy to tell my family, especially my mom. Flat out telling your homophobic mother that you're a lesbian isn't very easy. It'll be harder for me since I already "came out" to her as bi, so she'll probably invalidate me even more.

But I've been dating since February and we're both going strong. It's even more special to me because she asked me out on the 10th, so we got to go to the Valentine's Day dance as a couple.

I feel like I just got quite a bit off my chest, so I guess this excersise worked. I might end up posting this, who knows? I just know that I feel quite a bit better about myself, but my fear is still profound. I'm trying little by little to push it back or eliminate it, but I'm still working on it.

- Sincerely -

Denim

i felt something was wrong

the night before you told me.

i'm proud of you for telling them,

i'm glad that they accept us both.

but i'm scared about mine.

you know who they feel.

i don't want them to find out.

what if you get in trouble?

what if we're cut off from each other?

what if I'm sent to conversion?!

i'm scared.

i'm really scared.

i know i shouldn't be,

but they always find out.

i don't want you to get hurt.

i don't want either of us to suffer because of something i did.

i know you don't like me taking the blame,

but it's true.

This is pretty different from what I normally do, but I was just kinda feeling it. I had a really big scare this morning, so it inspired me to write this.

Courage or cowardice?

Neither.

It's a cry for help.

A plea for a way out.

They're trapped

And don't know how to escape.

Scars

Tears

Loss

And every other pain imaginable.

They wear a mask of lies

A fake smile

An empty promise.

"I'm fine, really I am."

A darkened soul

Not yet blackened by death.

But it's coming.

The pain will come an end.

Only loss and tears remain of them.

A half-hearted laugh

A pair of dull eyes.

Broken glass

So desperately wanting to be fixed.

A rope

Tied ever so neatly in a knot,

But has just enough space for a head.

A knife,

Sharpened so much that it slices through paper like it was nothing.

A prescription drug,

Just enough to make the pain end.

For them at least.

"My pain will end."

But the pain of the people you love you will not.

Tears

Loss

Remnants

Of who you once were.