lovely
i know i don’t love you
but i know i could
your blue eyes swallow my soul
and your heart flows through mine
i can still feel your hands on my body
the way your mouth touched mine
our laughs sound so good together
our bodies fit
we are scared to trust, scared to be left
but please believe me
if i ever left you,
i’d be leaving behind a part of myself
-e
the violation
did you ever love me
when you moved between my hips
how could you see me cry
while you pleasured yourself
and think it was okay
i haven’t lived a lifetime
yet i feel the exhaustion of one
did you want to haunt my dreams
leave me bleeding broken pieces of myself
when you left i was gone
there was a gaping hole
and now all i do
is regret loving you
while all you loved was yourself
-elled
#poetry #poetryandfreeverse #freeverse #pain #heartbreak #assault #mature #sadness #fear #poet #poem
oh
he still hurts me in my dreams
and haunts my past
i dont know how to forget
can i move on
when you hold me
i become terrified
you’ll break me the same way
and maybe that’s why
my smile isn’t always wide
and my laugh isn’t loud
because i’m desperately trying
to heal myself
as i keep getting hurt
and i need you to kiss my wounds
who else will hold me
when all i want is you
-elled
#love #pain #poetry #poetryandfreeverse #freeverse #heartbreak #assault #loneliness #poem #sadness
lili pad
i loved falling for him
looking into his eyes and feeling butterflies in my stomach
i was terrified of losing myself again
but instead i found another part of me
i loved him with all of my dreams and my hopes and my heart
he was my wish, my wildest dream, my everlasting fantasy
my head would storm with thoughts of him
and daydreaming of him was my favorite
the days he kisses me i feel alive
i can feel my heart beat faster and my soul get louder
i feel like a four-leaf clover when i’m with him
i feel love
and i wish he felt it too
-elled
#poetry #poem #poetryandfreeverse #freeverse #love #heartbreak #sorrow #pain
the truth
just when i thought i could stop loving you
i found myself crumbling beneath the guilt of leaving
when i vowed to never be her, i never thought i’d hate myself too
it’s hurts so bad to wish to be someone else
-elled
#love #poetry #freeverse #heartbreak #loneliness #guilt #hatred #exlove #pain
no love
maybe i loved you once
in a memory i had forgotten
but like water
it has rushed away from me
and left me cold
i forgot to fill the vase of flowers
and kiss you at sunset
i can’t tell if i still call for you
the way i used to
and i can’t tell if i want to
please find another woman
who will melt with you
the way i never could
-elled
dear diary
dear diary,
i met someone new today
he makes me laugh and he seems sweet
dear diary,
i don’t know if he loves me like he says
he doesn’t listen to me anymore
dear diary,
i can’t breathe anymore
i shouldn’t cry more than i smile
dear diary,
he said he’ll get better
he won’t hurt me anymore
dear diary,
he keeps saying it’ll be okay
even though he doesn’t want me
dear diary,
just because i said no doesn’t mean it’s bad
just because he hurts me doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me
dear diary,
help me
dear diary,
he’s gone
and i don’t think i can breathe
dear diary,
how can i move on when he haunts my dreams
how can i move on when all i do is worry
dear diary,
i overdosed
dear diary,
i’m in therapy
dear diary,
i don’t know if i’ll be okay
dear diary,
i don’t have to love him anymore
i don’t have to keep hurting
dear diary,
i can’t remember if i was happy back then
how can i forget when his laugh rings in my ears and the memories keep coming
dear diary,
he raped me back then
dear diary,
i had sex again with someone else
dear diary,
i’m making progress
dear diary,
i’m ready to be okay
-elled
satan’s spot
you were the worst thing that ever happened to me
and my eyes are still stormy
my heart still bleeds
but when i fell,
it was selfish of you to not blame yourself
i hated myself because you let me
you used and abused me
until it was the only attention
i ever learned to get from you
you broke my heart in a million ways
but i’ll never take back the pieces you kept
i hope those shards of self-respect
haunt you every single day
and you never touch another girl
the same way you touched me
i can’t forgive you for bullying me
into submission
but i can pray that satan reserves a special spot in hell
for you
-elled