I have this philosophy that i discovered very recently actually but has really changed my perspective on life.

Its that you must take care and love yourself because you deserve it. Though you may convince yourself you dont, or you cant seem to see past you flaws and mistakes, or you have thought uup every reason conceavable that you dont need that love ...you deserve that love. You deserve to believe in yourself. YYes make mistakes, feel pain, be afraid. Its what makes you alive. Its what reminds you that you are human. But dont let those regrets, pain and fear drag you down...face them head on. Because at the end of it all, you are stuck being you for the rest of your life. Youre stuck as the main character of your own story, might as well write the character that you would want to root for.

I will burn the world!

Turn it to ash at my fingertips

Smother myself in the embrace of flames

The world will turn dark

The world will fall away

The sound of the crackling fire

Cackling with glee at the sheer destruction

Flames feed off chaos

And the world....

My world...

It dies before my eyes

And a smile, so cold, unconsciouly

The smile becomes my everything

Though I feel nothing

I will burn my world

I will watch it die

Because I can't see any other way

To restart...to begin again

Only in the chaos of fire

The pure nature of the flame

Only it seems to work enough

To purify the corruption that has grown in me

So I smile and scream so loud

The tips of mountains will hear my cry

"Let it all burn!"

The heroes are assembled

Lining a round table like the knight’s of King Arthur’s Court, donned in their starlight costumes. Bold dragging capes, neon tights and pastel underwear, as if real-life sketches from a comic artist’s hand.

The heroes are assembled

Every experience collected and served on a golden platter, rescues completed, cities resurrected, galaxies uplifted. The people in need now needless, and the whole world praises our names. All those stories shared on one page tonight.

The heroes are assembled

Hiding behind supernatural characters they feel born to act on life’s movie theatre screens. Levitation, magic, telekinesis, shape-shifting, sonic speed, invisibility...all that sparkle at one table, gathered in this miniature galaxy of celebrities as our journeys intersect.

The heroes are assembled

Gathered in the dark, in this hidden cavern of the world, shrouded in dim light. I just sit and watch, as heroes, having completed dinner, stand and start meaningless conversations. Sitting here, anyone can see the heroes slowly remove the glamour of being a hero, true identities exposed to the cavern and to each other. They become nothing but abnormal beings existing in this world...living...breathing...being. Our secrets are trapped in these cave walls.

The heroes are assembled

In this stone prison, they remove their confident cool demeanor for chaotic tones, arguing, laughing, sitting in silence. Emotions mold on each face, gone are those statue smiles, gone the persona of perfection, the weight of the world’s responsibility eased off just for one evening. They become who they really are…

There are no heroes assembled

There are no heroes in the world.

I sip my coffee. It’s not bitter enough. It’s not dark enough...

The ‘heroes’ are assembled

I don’t think they realize, the way they hide their darkness. That in losing the hero identity, we heroes aren’t as heroic as we seem to be. Are we heroes? Are we just? Strong? Brave?...Selfless? But then why the fake personas, is it not selfish to hide our humanity in order to flaunt our strengths?

I need darker, stronger coffee….

Listening to the drumming conversations, sitting alone, concealed in the darkest corner of the most hidden cavern of the world.

The monsters are assembled

Rising from the depths. Heroes look so heroic, but only in the light. The light is gone now, it’s seeped away and they don’t even realize it. They don’t realize the absence of light because we are all so comfortable in the dark.

The coffee isn’t strong enough...doesn’t hit me hard enough…it isn’t dark enough

From my costume, I take a bottle of midnight liquid laced with starry bubbles which rise to it’s rim. I pour the poison in my coffee mug. I drink...I drown myself in the darkest, most addictive toxin.

It takes over me...I am no better than the false heroes that are assembled.

Darkness is a comfort to lose your soul too...is it wrong to succumb to it?

Is it wrong that we are monsters disguised as heroes?

A demon sits in my passenger seat all the time,

but I’m the one driving so you don’t notice him, do you?

Tears are like rainfall, dropping acid on my cheeks. It’s been so long, trying to hold it all in. My thoughts can’t stay balled up in a cloud.

Gravity wins, in the end, I’m caving in.

Am I floating forward or falling face down?

I can’t seem to tell the difference anymore...

In my mind, I am so alone

It’s a sea of thoughts, so dark and so cold

Can I escape? Swim away? Recover strength? Break free?

Oh no, is my inner ugliness seeping through? I guess covering up doesn’t really work, does it? Has it ever really worked though?

I’m cracking, shattering, I am glass when it smashes on tiled floors, bursting into billions of pieceis of me. All my hidden colours exploding.

I am embracing gravity, my weakness.

Gravity is my weakness, yet I’m so addicted to falling, to the rush of the wind between my fingers....everything around me falls...or am I just hallucinating?

A writer’s mind is a beautiful hell. I want to escape, but I am too addicted to my constructed fantasies. Trapped in a nightmare with the mesmerizing smile of a daydream.

My thoughts just dance…and dance…and dance…my reality fades, lost in space, with no air to breath…no air to live

Falling into blue...

falling away from you, dear world...oh how I used to love you! But I was innocent and

naive, realizing you could never really love me back. I have changed so much since

then...forgotten...please, don’t see what I’ve become...my demons are ugly as I keep

driving on...Darling, look away from me

In a crowd, can you see me falling? Shattering? Flooding with colourful blood and dark oceans?

Can you see it, dear world? Can you see me?

The world...my world...it keeps going, twisting, turning....living...a never ending highway. I let it mind its own business...I keep on driving.

“The world should forget your existence.” My demon always says to me.

My heart hurts so much, it can’t keep pumping, I’m losing circulation, so slowly. I can see blurred lines and butterflies.

Aren’t they beautiful?...Well, aren’t they?

More hallucinations...my lips won’t speak my thoughts out loud, so afraid because the horrors of my mind are too much to bare...towering like tsunami waves, crashing down on me, drowning in dark waters and hurricanes. All my colourful shards of glass, I lose them to the distant horizon.

Hallucinations are real...I’m losing my mind...just keep driving

This is not what’s supposed to happen. Reality is blurring, surrendering to demons. Dragged away by the coldest hands, drowning in thoughts and nightmares. My breath held in, to the point where my lungs give in....

I miss the feeling of the air.

You know the sea is too large to tame. I thought I could hold all its waves, stop the storm before it hits, hold the rain in the heavy sky...

But gravity is my weakness, the tears fall anyway...a drop at a time.

My smile melts ice cream on a summer day, my emotions so sickly sweet and sticky on fingertips. I knew the facade could never last.

Nothing is perminent and gravity always wins.

So paint me with the ink of my thoughts and let me soak in it. Let the ink dry over my dying heart, fortifying its walls that have stopped its drum beat. On the inside, a heart hollow of blood...there’s no point in holding it in anymore...there is nothing left for it to hold.

Embracing nightmares, empty vessels filling with darkness, bringing back dark emotion. Let darkness sparkle in everything, let sunset stain glass float on a midnight ocean, floating with the stars and galaxies, dancing with the moon. The moon is a wonderful partner to guide me, we dance on to imagination’s infinity.

Let my thoughts shine on paper, written in blood red ink...or maybe purple would be better. I have a hidden darkside, but don’t we all?

“Plus,” says my demon, “the dark side has the sweetest, most addictive cookies.”

Washing scrubbing cleaning

the soap burns

sliding over waterwrinkled fingers

age showing too early from the waves

the potential to die exposed on my skin

the ridges escape soap prisons

tough fibres thick but torn

ripped cardiac confetti glosses my fingers

washing scrubbing cleaning

soap crawling into each vessel and valve

the blood stains my hands scarlett

the memories of emotions roll down the drain

emotion sacrificed for cleanliness

i pull out my drowning heart

but i cant clean the emotions off

No matter how much

washing scrubbing cleaning

the screaming in my ears is soothing

I brought my heart back from the dead...put blood sweat and tears into sewing back my supposedly unmendable soul.. i forced myself out of the sea onto a sunbathed shore of the purest sand...it was so much work...i put my everything to being whole...now i feel like im about to break all over again...i can hear the strain in all my joints...i can feel the tears condensing in my eyes...i can feel the ocean whisper...its terrible voice is calling me back...back to drowning...back to torture...back to the company of dark waters...back to my demons...i dont want to go back in but my feet are at the tides...the ink is licking my toes...my toes cushioned with sand...the sun is setting...the sky is beautifully scattering light...the sky is breaking w colour... i feel myself breaking...i dont want to face the sea...but i cant turn away...i cant climb back to land...im frozen...in this space between time and the timeless...between sanity and the lost...between love and the hatred...and im breaking...with the tears starting to flow...acid feeling runs down my chin...it drops onto the ivory sands...it ruins everything...a dark ugly mistake...i shouldnt say it...but i feel like a mistake...i shouldnt have fixed myself...i should have stayed broken...im going to break again...its taking all my strength not to break again...a crack over my heart kills like a burning fire...i dont want to break again...i feel like im swimming in fire...i just want the water to drench me and get rid of the pain...i dont want to break...but can i even stop it? Maybe its meant to be like this...maybe ive been dispositioned to be broken...can change what comes so naturally? Pain feels so natural. Or have i gotten used to hiding the unnatural? Pretending to be normal...when im not?

And the sea is calling...its always been calling...the drowning melody of the waves...i hate the song of it...im stuck singing it over and over in my head...i cant escape myself anymore...what is stopping me from diving back in? From returning to the comfort of the darkness?