Perhaps leaving Is needed;

To Leave everything and go

Somewhere far far away

Somewhere nobody knows anything about you

Perhaps This journey can happen on the inside too

Perhaps...

Perhaps It's better to not be around;

Not to be dead

Just not be around

Perhaps loneliness gets easier

Perhaps suddenly seeing her, talking to her and not getting lost in her eyes gets easier

Perhaps...

Perhaps finding someone would become impossible

Nobody to check on you

Or nobody new willing to get to know you

Perhaps...

Perhaps It's better to be around;

Not to be alive

Just be around

Perhaps...

Perhaps It's better to leave for some time

And go somewhere far away

Not a physical journey

But a spiritually one

A necessary one

Perhaps...

Perhaps this is the last writing

For a very long time

Perhaps nobody reads It

Perhaps...

It was a very special day.

Humphrey put in some early morning hours at the new house, working on the floors, but also tidying up. He was getting the place readied for curious family to have a walk through later in the day with us. Or if not today, then tomorrow at lunch time during a break. In either case, he wanted to be sure the area was clear of loose nails, dust and debris... a double check, because as a fact Humphrey always took care to work neat and clean.

When he got back, he made two batches of brownies and set them to cool. One for the family birthday party in the evening, and the second, special no-chocolate blondies just for us (*cacao a no-no for dogs ;) and Humphrey knows treats are always bested when shared with a friend. And who better than me?!

Humphrey and I worked a bit on the house, pulling up more linoleum (in the full bath). He had discovered something earlier this morning and showed me in the room directly across with a grand reveal:

"Ta-dah! Look at this Geo Beane!" gesturing into the room with the sloped ceiling and golden wall sconce.

And below I see: Pine boards. Beautiful 6" planks of solid pine. That's what was hiding under the subfloor. Humphrey had gotten frustrated this morning with scraping the odd gunk that was in this little room on the East side of the house. The subfloor was so warped on the left that it would require either pulling up or precarious hammering down. If it would stay flat. He ventured to pull it up little bit to peak under... and then! Too good to be true? but no! indeed, true. A beautiful floor. So up went the particle board. The pine planks were painted somewhat arbitrarily, as if someone had painted around some large rectangular object almost dead center. A gray green stain that extends into the closet partially as well.

"We'll paint the floor green, Beanie. to even it out. Gawd, I love this room... it's my favorite in the whole house! ...I wish this were my office studio instead of the guest room..."

"Rrwaugh! Wyouf... Ggou..noa!?"

"You're right, Geo. Why not? why by Goodness not? the room at the top of the stairs is good enough as a spare bedroom, and why, why! should this one wait around only for guests...?" and then he was pleased to pieces. To put himself centered as such. I was so glad! For both of us. I could just picture myself sunning and dreaming in the light of the big window as he did his drawing, reading, and writing...

Humphrey was so thrilled that he ordered a housewarming present for me on his phone on the spot... to arrive in a few weeks. A black and yellow batman racecar bed. ...I think maybe he was living out a private dream, in this, but nevertheless, I can't wait to see it! It looked great on the screen.

His aunt and uncle telephoned and arrived shortly after, delighted with all the "quirky" architectural details; the attic; the swinging folding door in the master suite; the grand corridors; and finesse in the staircase... They were visiting from Chicago and had a 100+ year old house themselves, which they were painstakingly improving on over the years, so they offered Humphrey much helpful advice in and around the house. They even helped him identify some of the plants outside, like the Buckthorn, the Privet and the Catalpa.

Then, we all dusted off and went back to the cabins to celebrate Humphrey's, his uncle's and his cousin's birthdays all in one big family bash of smiles and photographs.

Early in the morning, Humphrey drove me to Felton, thirty minutes away to the cabins at Song lake where his Momma, Grandmom, Aunts, Uncles, nieces and nephews were already waiting.

He had harnessed me up for formal company and now gave my lead to his Momma who was sure to pamper her Sweetie all day. Dropping my go-bag on the kitchen counter, Humphrey gave all his goodbye hugs and kisses to everyone in one quick turnaround.

"Goodbye, honey, come back for dinner with us," she said looking up at him with a cautious hopeful smile as he gave her hand an extra squeeze of apologies, and leaned down to give her a light kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be back soon, Beanieboo. Be good," tickling my ear and patting my muzzle, confidentially. Humphrey was all business in his work clothes, hopping into the car, with his mind on the reno, and getting this project done, asap. I knew what it meant as the familiar engine revved.

Soon he became the size of a gnat buzzing up the winding road out of the sleepy little beach resort, the gray SUV sparkling till out of sight. It was going to be a long day...

But I was the dolly. My Pomeranian antics and grin won everyone over, romping around from cabin to cabin, visiting, and strolling along the beach, rolling and digging in the sand with Momma. It was a silver day, too cool for the water, though comfortable and not rainy at all. We enjoyed exploring, then took an extended nap in the afternoon, with more chatting and laughing into the evening...

No Humphrey though. I had a feeling he would keep at it till he had gotten through to some next phase. And though there was talk of having dinner and even putting up a couch for us overnight, it was so not Humphrey. And sure enough, when he pulled in late and dust-covered we took leave, in his sincerest regrets and promises that tomorrow, "we'll drop in again and stay for visit."

The family was anxious to see the new place, understandably; and understandably, Humphrey wanted it to be a little more ready.

"Well, Beans, seems like the fam will be dropping in tomorrow."

It was a very overcast day, with rain in spurts and we were grateful for it because we were in a drought. Grass and soil were visibly parched, though the trees still looked vibrantly green. I watched through the glass of Mrs. B.'s bay seat nook as Humphrey took off in the SUV, taking a moment to roll down his driver side window despite the downfall, to wave to me.

That morning he had gone over his itinerary with me, having already completed his TikTok and set it on scheduled release for 12:30pm:

"Geo, it's dark and humid. Not ideal for painting or varnishing. That means I'll be starting with pulling up the remainder of the carpeting and driving it to the dumpster. As the day gets lighter, and hopefully clears up a bit, I'll continue the painting of the walls upstairs..."

Humphrey returned very late and very paint splattered, but with a grin.

"We did it, Boo. Not a shred of carpet left in the house. The entire upstairs is under at least one coat of paint; most walls have already two or three. We are on track to have the next bedroom floor scraped and varnished tomorrow.

But you," he said looking at me very, very intently, "are going to the Beach!"

Snuphff. sigh.

And he proceeded to pack up my travel things: a harness, collar and leash; water and food bowls, my travel mat for sleep, my pookie doll for company, and some dog treats... while whistling Moon River and smiling like Andy Williams.

...It meant that I, instead of going to Mrs. B.'s tomorrow, am going to the cabins to visit with Humphrey's family (aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, grandparents...).

"Don't worry, Geo Beane. I will meet up with you after putting in a full day's work on the renovation. We want to be sure that we keep a steady pace, so that we can start moving furniture in this weekend!"

wmrrfph.

Storms were hovering in the air today.

Once again, I suspected the worst. But no...

Humphrey packed us both up and we went together to the reno site.

"Rain is coming, Beans and we have to cut these weeds. The vines are climbing up the side of the house already, and if we don't tackle them now, tomorrow with the watering it will be a jungle out front."

My Humphrey has a way of exaggerating, but I was thrilled to not be left behind, even if it meant potentially being tied up again on the back stoop.

"Geo, since we're out together I'm trusting you to stay put here On the Grass. Got it? You stay On the Grass. And I'm cutting the grass and shrubs over here... Where I can see you!"

he said, wagging that finger again and walking off with the cordless weed-wacker that he had presciently charged overnight.

The thing makes a lot of noise and whirl, and while it got most of the job done, it was out of charge before completion of the entire side yard. It's a corner lot, and when Humphrey had said "out front" he simply meant the part that shows. In any case the actual "front" of the house was still looking good from when we had trimmed the hedges before actually closing on the property, so no worries if it didn't get a touch up this time.

"Hey! Coolbeans!! look at this!!" I bounded over to have a look and inquisitively peered at Humphrey's face trying to figure out what it was in the bushes that was so fascinating. I had seen an empty nest, no squirrels, no chipmunks... so what could it be???

"Not one, but two Lilac trees!" wow he was being generous. Humphrey pointed to one puny twig with three or four heart shaped leaves, and then to another equally feeble-looking compatriot with bifurcated trunk and maybe five leaves between the two.

"Guess the previous owners didn't know what they had out here. We're lucky Geo that they didn't cut these down... though really doesn't look like much pruning was done recently..."

"Aarrff!! wrarrff!! woo!" Humphrey was so delighted at this find and so was I. He had promised to get me a Lilac as soon as we got things settled inside and were actually moved in. He had also said something about planting a fruit tree this year.

"No worries, Boo. I will still get you a Lilac of our own. You can help me pick it out. We've no idea if these here are white, pink or purple!"

It started to rain, and we headed inside for some clean up. It wasn't a good day for varnishing or painting, but Humphrey slipped away during the day to still nibble away at these tasks.

There had a been a threat of going to visit relatives vacationing nearby. "At the cabins," Humphrey had said. But with the continued threat of thunderstorm, we spent a night in playing games instead at the old place. It didn't actually rain much at all, but we had a little outage in the internet or something and Humphrey was upset that he couldn't reach his favorite site online. Otherwise, it was a calm and quiet night.

Saturday was almost a loss.

Humphrey knew he couldn't have me with him in the house. Too much afore mentioned hazards. He needed to put down at least one coat of varnish on the floor that he had exposed yesterday to seal in the golden-ochre-colored dust. Mrs. B. was still in Washington, DC. In fact, she would be away all weekend. I could tell what was ahead, at least in part...

"Beanieboo, there's nothing I can do. You wait here, and I am going to put in an hour or two to seal the floor."

The good news was that once dry, it would be possible for me to go back to the renovation site and see all the work that Humphrey had put in since my exile. The place was starting to feel more and more like a home as we pulled out traces of the prior owners. When I say traces, let me be more specific.

In the afternoon, Humphrey was again golden as his word. He put in some work at the office on his upcoming TikTok and other work projects, and then stole us over to the house for the remainder of the afternoon. Our task was to pull up more rug. Humphrey was cutting. An arduous task involving regular utility scissors with orange handles. Small cut after small cut, which I could see scraping into Humphrey's hands.

Mwrrgh. He didn't know it yet, but I could already scent that he was going to have blisters. I sniffled my wet nose into his wrist to remind him to slow down. This in between scouring the clues in the scene. I didn't find too many traces of Nick, but Amber, was a very messy girl. There were traces of her everywhere.

When we first started work on site, I was too polite to mention. I suppose I thought they might be back or something to make amends... In the kitchen, there was left over trash in the waste bin. Most notably a bag of frozen cauliflower. Yes, cauliflower; and it smelled revolting. But more than this, Amber had left used, used, sanitary napkins strown about, not only in this garbage can, but on the property outside. Had there not also been unused opened tampons on the windowsills, I would have thought to myself it must have been some passing stranger that had so grossly littered, cause who would foul up their own yard?!

But there were more Amber leftovers. Upstairs, there where she slept, she shed all sorts of parts of her true/ artificial self. There were acrylic fingernails. Used acrylic fingernails. Peeled. Not many, but two or three, isolated. One in the hall. One in the closet of the smallest bedroom...

In the presumably Master Bedroom, she left her eyes.

Gross. I mean, she left her used contact lenses in the carpet. Maybe they had fallen out and she had looked desperately on all fours to find them... but could not and so cried herself to sleep on their final night... But I doubt that. And fortunately, there were no used condoms left from her and Nick. Somehow, I picture Amber lying in bed, without concern for Nick or anyone in the world, and ejecting the sliver disks of bluish gel out of each eye and flinging these onto the carpet. For the "next time" somebody vacuums... which obviously wouldn't be for a while.

There were also remnants of the cat. Quite a tidy creature, despite his associates. I imagine that the stray pieces of kibble that I was finding in the edges of the carpeting had gotten there by Amber's sloppy serving, rather than by the Tiger's poor eating habits. The cat was obviously hungry, and gray in color, as the fur was blending in excellently with the silver carpet and to be honest there really wasn't all that much of it, so Tiger was also an admirable self-groomer. Unless Nick was taking care of the cat upon himself... maybe, but I doubt, judging by the dog mess. The dog, our fearsome Gunther, had left his calling card all over the place by way of urine and vomit "accidents."

Humphrey was generous and let me help as best I could with rolling up the slices of rug he was cutting. I prodded it along between his arms as he leaned over and pushed it all into a tight cylinder and then carried each piece out into the hall.

"Let's call it quits, Beanie. My back is killing me," said Humphrey.

Hmwgh. mwrrh. Poor Humphrey! I would be sure to massage his back tonight by walking over it with gentle paws.

Today Humphrey did something unconscionable.

First, he took us on a whirlwind tour of the house in progress. It was looking Palatial-- a veritable Versailles by doghouse or any common standards.

Holding me tight under his armpit, he told me, "No," this; and "No," that; and "Dangerous," was the word used to describe everything "you see here... Beanie."

"Geo. This house right now is a Giant Boobie Trap. Got it? No safe spaces. Nails. Spikes. Dust. Fiber Particles. Wet Paint. Varnish. Do you Hear Me??"

And then, he plopped me into a plastic trash bag, with three openings (for forearms, and head).

"A smock, Beanieboo."

wrrugh?

And he tied me to the front stoop baluster. Tied Me to the Front Stoop!

"Mrs. B. is on a trip to DC to protest Prime Minister Narenda Modi's visit to Washington-- So."

So, this? Humphrey waved his hand gesturing at the rug that was partially curling and pulling up off the front steps.

Well, except for the indignity of the unnecessary leash, which I understand is for the limitations of Humphrey's humanoid peace of mind, I liked the task before me.

"The carpeting has to go, Geo. It's a safety hazard and an eye sore." And off he disappeared into the Danger Zone inside, waving to me with his index finger from the rectangular window.

So I had at it, with tooth and claw. "Grrrh... Rrwahh!!" Till I had shred as much as one small Pomeranian can.

My Humphrey was delighted with these efforts.

"Well done, Beans!! Look at you, so industrious and clever a girl. I could hardly budge that rugging myself. You've made short work of it."

In truth, I had fun. I imagined the gray fur as an imaginary sparring partner, as stand in for Gunther. I tackled my Fears, and I won.

"I wish I could take you back in for a looksee, Geo B, but we'll have to wait," said Humphrey hauling several 3' long rolls of cut old carpet into the car, and then dusting off the muscles of his upper arms.

"We struck gold again!" he said shutting the trunk and opening up the side door. He ducked back into the kitchen. It took a moment, and presumably he returned from upstairs, with two large garbage bags packed full of shredded under carpet (the stuff beneath the wall-to-wall carpet that is made of many fragments of fabric and fiber compresses in to half inch padding).

"The floor in the bedrooms is ochre colored!! I won't need to stain it at all. With the coats of varnish, it will look as golden as the downstairs floors."

"Aarf!! arff!!" I cheered.

"Whatever was originally down before the carpet left residual traces of yellow foam. Potentially hazardous as is, Beans, for the respiratory but once I seal it in, it will be a beautiful relic of history. The place is starting to look like a N.Y. C. loft.

With that he disappeared and promptly reappeared with two more big bags of the torn fibers, and stuffed them into the back seat of the SUV. My gray rug scraps he clumped into his hands and took directly to our outdoor trash bin. Then he ran in again and reemerged with thin but long spikey looking stick weapons. Nails sticking out from both sides.

"Furring strips, Geo. For holding the carpet at the edge of the walls."

Finally, he released my leash and pulled the smocking off me. I wanted to lick his hands in gratitude, but he held me off---

"Beans, NO-- dust particles. Who knows what kind of lead and asbestos in a house 123 years old. "

We went home to brush and shower.

I had a nightmare.

We were on a mission to Menard's, Humphrey and I, and we were being chased by a Moose strapped into a go-car. The dream was precipitated by something Humphrey told me about as we curled up to sleep.

You'll recall that after yesterday's scare with the brown spectacled dog and Willie rattling at the door, Humphrey was trying to tell me something about his new schemes for redoing the bathrooms. I couldn't well pay attention at the time, but my mind is like a tape recorder, and I replayed the conversation for myself later when my anxiety from the episode had calmed down.

Humphrey had gone out to return to the house to pick up the surprise he had gotten for me. He bought the thing when he went to buy more paint the other day. When he was in the store, he described the most curious thing. A small go-car was moving down the aisle. From a distance, he thought it looked like a street sweeper. A sort of over sized indoor Roomba. Except this Roomba had a seat on it, and in the seat was a stuffie. A stuffie in the shape of a moose, which when it got close to him said:

"Hi! I'm the Menard Moose, your Automated Store Sales Associate. What may I assist you with today?"

Humphrey had half a mind to ask a deeply philosophical question, but he thought better of creating a potential short in the circuitry and remained quiet.

"Thanks goodness Geo B, that you weren't there because you probably would have given chase to the machine and pounced on the faux furred Moose."

It would have certainly been hard to resist and not sound an alarm... so instead of me chasing the cleaner, I ended up with nightmares, of me being chased by moose associate and machine...

But returning to my Humphrey, he was saying he wanted more gold in the bathrooms! That was what he was trying to tell me. He had decided that the full bath floor would be stained with the metal effect paint, and the downstairs half bath would get a special treatment. The surprise he had picked out for me was a packet of special gold dust, that you mix into any can of paint to get a subtle shimmer effect on the wall.

"It will be a little while before we see any Bling. First things first we need to finish getting a couple of plain white coats down on the walls and once the wall is painted upstairs, then we can pull up the broken and breaking linoleum and paint and varnish!"

With so much shine and sheen, from the floors to the ceiling, we certainly need now to get that front door fixed. And I'm nervous about the old locks, and the exact number of keys the priors might have had or still have. The realtor gave us two originals... but of course there maybe duplicates... so now I am trying to convince Humphrey to buy new gold door locks for the back and front.

"Rrgh.. mrrh.. wruff!!"

Seasons without reason change,

And we are thrown astray...

A kindly word, not thought as huge,

Becomes a heavy weight...

I'll have a friend who slips

Into the frame...

While another is tossed

Off my dock...

Come and go,

They run like paint...

New and old, they'll thread

Their knot...

Releasing and ensnaring me...

I'll see them do their

Magic dance...

It leaves an imprint, and I'm

Forever changed...

Like dewdrops catch

The sunshine's gold in a

Displaced field of flowers...

Will you be a forever friend?...

I've seen you show

Your face again...

Tomorrow they say

Your ship will sail,

But yesterday your swift

Coat tail was caught within the

Here and now,

And when you bent

To retrieve it's shape

You said,

"You will see me once more..."

I wonder, as you close

That door

What you will look like

At the next

Passage or backstreet

I stumble...

What new glow will your

Welcome face hold?...

What urgency will manifest

Into a brilliant manifold?...

Telling a story

Within subtext...

Are you in love?...

Has karma blessed you

With hot cosmos teeming

Out your eyes?...

I bow to bless you,

I'll bend an ear

Of corn

Along your path of gold...

Whether our roads are

Short or long

I'll smile at you

Inside the rearview

Of my

Lucky mind...

Bunny Villaire

6/22/23

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