What I’ve Earnt
I deserve
to shove "disgusting" food down my "gaping maws"
after months of despising the hills of my flesh,
after I became the closest of confidants with Ana,
after resisting the black stars clouding my vision as though they were
storm clouds--
rain included.
I deserve
to be loud,
following the years of clamping my
stone teeth
on fragile cheeks
until they bled
the words I couldn't say;
following the liquid knives you forced down my throat--
they weren't alcohol,
but burnt just as badly
as they settled in my belly.
It taught me that
sticks and stones
will not break your bones,
but they will break the soul of your calves and feet and thighs
so that you may not stand.
I deserve to be confrontational
after tying my tongue into bunny ears like shoe laces,
refusing to stand up for myself--
for others--
spending my months tethered to a post
as a light-up keychain
in a gift shop--
depersonalized,
in a constant "what if".
In the hurdles I've lept
and nicked my ankles
and toes on,
I deserve nothing less than
to be
loved
and unique to myself--
thank you very much.