sorry...

Sorry.

five letters that I use so much

it’s like their sound has replaced that of my exhaling breath.

sorry.

one word that has taken over my life.

it haunts me, looking over my shoulder

waiting to jump out and push what I really want to say backwards.

sorry.

one syllable that means so much.

put a question mark at the end at you sound like a bitch for not caring.

a period and you sound mad.

ellipses and people worry somethings wrong.

because why would you trail off at the end of an apology?

sorry.

but what they don’t understand

is that I’m not apologizing for what I said.

I’m apologizing for being me.

for caring, for crying, for trying

trying to stick up for myself.

apologizing for not just letting it go like I usually do.

for saying something this time,

something about how you hurt me.

for pretending that I matter,

that I deserve to be happy.

sorry.

I’m sorry for being sorry at all.

but I say it again and again

because I’m afraid if I do not exhale that refrain of a word I will never inhale again.