rewaking Scott

8 years ago today was my younger brother Scott's wake. His ashes are scattered in the woods behind my Dad's place in Dickson. I know that Scott would be glad to end up in the woods, but it seems ironic, considering my Dad threw him out for "being a drunk" when he actually had a huge brain tumour causing him to hallucinate and suffer horribly, also to self-medicate with beer. As if *anyone* wouldn't seek relief from *something* in that circumstance. Scott was to have ended up at our little cottage in Tazewell; what he possibly could have done to survive alone there is something my Father didn't consider. All he cared about was renting out the house Scott was staying in, and--it seems to me--punishing the living dogfuck out of my brother for being a "drunk". Such is the kind of Christianity practised in Dickson, TN. So, after promising his children, my nephews, that Max and I would help their Daddy recover--SOMEHOW--I followed my brother from Nashville to Tazewell, 250 miles in a pounding thunderstorm, knowing Scott's windshield wipers didn't work. I watched him nearly die by running into semi trucks 2-3 times; when we got to Tazewell, he fell into a coma, never to awaken. I was the one who had to make the decision to turn off the machines keeping him alive. His wake, an Irishman's wake, was a joke--no sad songs or poetry were allowed, though his sons asked me for them, and there was no whiskey. Drinking iced tea and Kool-aide at an Irishman's wake...watching T.J. O'Rourke's video for some toy he invented as if it were a commercial at half-time...what a joke. My brother was sent down the road to a bad death for "being a drunk" by a person whose friends once all got together and sent *him* to Cumberland Heights to dry out in luxury. As you can tell, I am still angry about this. Scott might have, probably would have, died anyway, but he would have died with his family instead of being tortured a long forced drive first. I also sinned: I should have told my Father: "NO WAY am I doing this; can you not see something is bad wrong with your god damned child?" Wow, I'm even angrier than I thought I was. But gee, at least I got a story out of it... (see "Taking Rayland Home")