Deployment

I am not a writer, so please do bear with me if anyone reads this. What they never tell you when you deploy is that you will lose everything. The girl that you love with all of your being, your sense of self worth, the feeling of fear, how your mind goes on autopilot and your body follows suit. The girl that you loved, trusted and confided in leaves you while you're in a firefight praying to a god you've never believed in. Praying that you make it home alive and are able to hold her in your ams. The "best guy friend" is never just a best guy friend. He must feel like a man knowing that I was overseas fighting day in and day for the brothers next to me and myself while he was kissing my "girlfriend". I am now home and its been months, but a piece of me was left overseas and the other piece of me is broken. Everyday i wake up with a hole in my chest. Something feels empty inside of me and I just want to feel normal. I want to feel alive. This depression is crippling me.