You’ll Find My Love

Lil man, if there's a nerve of mine you haven't gotten on, I don't know where it is, but I beg you to leave it alone. It's the only thing keeping me sane and, consequentially, you alive.

Bertis, you are unfair, obnoxious, overbearing, unreasonable, sophomoric and you take time out of your day to make yourself the sharpest, most incessant, longest-lingering, pain in my ass.

Being the baby, you were raised above the law. That, I can't blame you for, but my high blood pressure and anger issues? A massive "ROBERT" in red blotchy letters is scrawled all over that shit. 

At least twice a day, I blissfully daydream of a wayward meteor landing in our house and killing either you or me, instantly, and that is because of you.

But dammit, if I don't love you, Bertis. If I don't say it enough, know this, Robert: I love you.

In every eye roll and insult I send your way, you'll find my love. In every punch, kick, slap, and scratch, you'll find my love. In every deliberately soggy kiss you tried to wipe off your skin, you'll find my love.

I could burn, roast, and flame you every day of your life, but every angel in God's heaven couldn't help anyone foolish enough to send a dirty word your way.

I'll kick you black and blue, Bertis. I'll punch you til' your nose bleeds every red blood cell in your body, but I'll scalp the first person to harm a hair on your nappy head.

I might not say it enough, Robert, or as I call you, by your ugly nickname, "Bertis", but if you look closely enough, you'll find my love for you in everything I do.