Why?

Dear Diary:

Why?

Why did things end up like this? 

Is there some cosmic force who is overjoyed right now? Are they sitting in some Dr. Strangelove-like room: drinking whiskey, playing pool, hooking up with hookers like life's the Wolf of Wall Street, or any other fun; as the rest of us suffer? 

How I wish the bastards had invited me to the party.

It's been one day. One freaking day. One dark, miserable day. It's been one day and I'm already at wit's end.

Dad got eaten twenty minutes after it started. In hindsight, it was obvious he'd be the first to go: He spent twenty-five years gorging on ridiculous amounts of burgers, fries, chocolate, and his favorite bread; he was so out-of-shape the zombies went faster than him. Talk about getting your just desserts.

Oh, and I had to throw Locke--my one and only best friend, who taught me how to stand up to authority and what I was capable of--to the man-eating dogs. Dad gobbled him up like he'd gobble up a Big Mac. He wasn't kidding when he said he'd "kill that fucking kid for teaching you this shit." 

Mom came back and ate Lily--poor little shit thought Momma had come back from God's garden to save us. Wish she was here, going on about how great Justin Bieber and One Direction are; so I could show her how they devoured each other in what I can positively say was literally the only slightly tolerable part of the day. 

Thankfully, since people don't get brains when they add them to their post-mortem diet, I got to the top of the attic, with some supplies and a flashlight. Then, I closed it off, and I've decided to stay here until I stop hearing their hungry-teenager cries. 

That being said, it really sucks to a) have nothing to do, b)have no-one to chat with, and most importantly c)be in a fucking zombie apocalypse. My main concerns went from videogames, porn, and school; to food, water, and even a bed. Needless to say, I'd much rather live the life of a horny good-for-nothing teen than live the Bear Grills 3k experience.

By the way, piss tastes like yellow water. And I don't want to detail what yellow tastes like--except that "not good" is the biggest understatement anyone has ever said in the history of understating shitty shit.

So, I went from your average teenager to a piss-drinking orphan. In one day. The universe literally went "here, fuck you, your family, and your friends! Oh, and...eat piss and shit. Because fuck your horny ass."

By tomorrow, I'll probably have eaten shit, gone insane from starvation, and killed myself because life will stop having any meaning. So, if anyone gets to read this ever again, I my gravestone to read:

   "My life motto was 'the ends justify the memes', and I followed it to the very end. Insert SadPepe.Jpg"

Please and thank you.