It’s Day One, and Counting.

How does this even happen? This is the stuff crazy writers like to make up for their novel, not something that actually happens! Today is day one, day one of going into a life without my baby. You know when you get pregnant at 17, you are not even sure if you want the kid. You guiltily wish to take that reckless decision back, so your life would be returned to you. Then-- then, you find out you're having twins. And you know you want to keep them, but you still heavily wish this part of your life was coming much later. And then at the age of nineteen, you watch as your ten month old baby boy gets ripped from his crib, and teared apart, limb for limb as a zombie, a freaking zombie, eats him. She eats him. I don't even want to call her a she, she is an it, a horrible, horrific, it. Those long nights of pregnancy, with those silent, guilty wishes... I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it...... I would have just let myself die too. How can I go through life after seeing my baby brutally killed, and eaten, right in front of my face? Seeing his blood innocent little body brutally destroyed. This little life my body created, who trusted my in the midst of his innocence cried as he realized something horrible was happening to him. And I wouldn't be able to go on if it weren't for her. She is the baby I so swiftly ran to in the midst of her brother's death, how I had to leave my baby boy in his final moments because I also have a baby girl. She lays down next to me in the hidden shelter I found us, and she smiles in her sleep. She is so oblivious to the horrors going around her. I wonder if it's even worth keeping her alive. But then I think, I have to  try. I have to try to get her through this and bring her to the other side of it into a world she can thrive in. I have to have hope for her. While I have done nothing but cry on this day one of living my life without my baby, I am writing this so that if I leave this world while it's still in shambles, someone can pick up where I left off, because I have more than one baby, and she is the hope for this world, and this world is the hope for her.