Counter challenge-how old am I and what kind of person am I, soley based on my coffee choices.

-For early mornings on vacation at divey diners, whatever they have in a pot. No additions.

-Rainy Portland winters before noon: cappuccino with soy (almond is bitter even though it won't cause breast cancer)

-Anytime in Europe or New Zealand: cappuccino, regular milk, fuck the mucilaginous consequences. (though I will say, I recently noted Starbucks launching the "flat white" and wanted to yell "CULTURE THIEVES!!! KIWI IMPOSTERS!!!")

-After arty events and anything chocolate, post 4PM: decaf espresso in a cute cup.

-Pre-age 26, anytime:12 oz breve with straight cream instead of half and half. That's right.