this is my defense but you don’t deserve it

I am breathing in pine needles

and my collarbone

is carved like a wave

above my chest where

vibrations of your clenched fist

reverberates

regurgitates

I thought myself rid of you

how could I be so foolish

I never intended to inhale

stalagmites of fossilized love

and my lungs have never

held so much fog

I'm suffocating on pity

sometimes I forget my pain

and the way your fingers

clutched so my air duct

shut and how you taped

my fingers together to prove

I'm useless

you speak of the way your skin

stung but you don't realize

you handed me the blade

I have just as much a right

to smile

you may be unaware of my

capabilities but I am still here

and my strength is not

diminishing

you are

here

and

I'm trying to forgive myself

for the pain

you inflicted