Better Man

I feel it coming but I know that I'm lit I'm not typing correctly help meet I'm having a out of body experience everything is moving in slow motion but worse it's like my eyes are running slow like they are frames behind I experiencing hyper focus and nausea when try to look at a phone instead of hyper focused at my inside thoughts I have looked outside of myself and focused on all other conversations I think I do this to obtain notes and details this is moving I'm all in my head and I can't muster up to speak it's a lot of headache.

I never thought I would be the person today

I expected better

I made mistakes

I had wrong decisions and regrets

That writing above is my drunken and high ramble

My mind was trying to scientifically explain what I was feeling

I feel like I have failed

I did this to experience the feeling

In this quest of self exploration I lost why I wanted to be smart in the first place

I want to grow as a person

I want be better than those that raised me

I want to prove I won't slip into a life of drugs and self hatred

As I'm writing this I feel like crying

I know I can change this

I just don't want to lose myself again

I need to be a better man