A Warning

Let me just say that I blame this all on the alcohol, also kill me, mostly kill me. Yeah, just kill me.

Anyway, I'd had a dark and stormy, and three glasses of red wine the night before. That shouldn't have knocked me out. Hell, I'm a college student, we sometimes just drink vodka when there's no water around. But it did, because I can remember having a particularly awful fuck with my girlfriend. My dick just kept going soft. I pulled out once to try and get it going, and that worked until it went back in. Unfortunately for her, a few pumps of my limp dick and I came. I rolled over and passed out.

I know, I'm actually the worst.

In the morning, I awoke by her side, my forehead about to burst, and stepped out of bed. No need to look around, I'd done this before. I'd never before questioned the reason behind light hurting my head, nor the magic of Ibuprofen. I reached the bathroom. I barely looked at the grime of the sink I had forgotten to clean for months, sunk a few pills down with a swash of a Corona I'd left on the back of the toilet the night before, and went back to lay next to my beautiful girlfriend.

"Hey, you want another go?" I asked her.

She grunted her approval, turned away, and I flipped the covers off her. She was still in nature's clothing from the night before. Her skin was oddly cold; I just assumed it was because we'd left the window open and the weather in this city makes a pretty damn good refrigerator.

So I mounted her, and for a few strokes she was rather into it, or at least she was making her usual noises. You can never really tell until she comes, and by then you two have usually been going at it for some time.

Anyway, on one stroke I go into her and then I pull out. Well, when I pulled out she started shaking. I pulled my dick away from her and asked if she was alright. She just keep writhing and bouncing on the bed, her limbs contorting. At some point I think she gained a second elbow between her original elbow and her wrist.

I didn't know what to do, so I ran out of the room, and shut the door.

As I'm writing this she is banging on it and trying to claw her way through, I'd always thought of her like a cat.

I don't know if this is sexually transmitted, whatever this is, but if you're reading this, kill me just in case. Cool? Cool.

Brendan Carr

P.S. There're jellybeans in the cupboard.