The Sitcom of a Lifetime

Meet Santa, a fat old man with a beard that reaches down to his knees. 

This Christmas he's back at it again, forcing the elves to do his bidding as if that wasn't controversial enough, he uses reindeers to carry his own weight, what a great guy. He delivers all the presents to the good kids around the world, while he gives coal to the bad kids as if that wasn't a metaphor for going number two in their own stockings. Then he creeps back up the chimney after breaking and entering in their house. He manages to do all this in one night, then heads back to the North Pole hiding away in wait for next year, totally not a creep whatsoever. Now we are giving him his own reality TV show just to see what goes on in his life and it's called Ho Ho Ho Where are my Jingle Balls, coming to you in August 2567. Be prepared cause Christmas just got a lot colder.