Cat People

Last week I had the pleasure of participating in an R&D product discussion panel through the sensory lab at K-State. The subject: cat treat packaging. Our task was simple; focus on the functional aspect of the packaging specifically without notice of graphics or design.

First I would like mention that as I took my online screening survey, not once did I notice that the end result would be a discussion panel. I found it odd that it paid 100.00. Typically, I get paid about 25.00 to spend 30-60 minutes of my time sampling steak....or chicken noodle soup.....or bacon......or taking dry cat food home and recording/reporting my observations regarding how the litter box now smells either worse, the same, or miraculously like daisies. Keeping this in mind, I don't think my fellow surveyors expected the panel either. Here is where I'm going with this:

It was a room. With cat people. That were required to interact.

There are two types of cat people in the world. The first being the kind that seems to think that everything their cat does is the funniest thing in the world and that every story must be described in lengthy detail to whatever captive audience resides in the vicinity. One of the ladies in this intimate group of six would fit that profile. We'll name her 'Claudia'.

Moderator: "Claudia, what do you specifically think about the seal on this package?"

Claudia: "Well, the seal is a little difficult to handle which is tough for me because Noodles expects a treat every time he uses the scratching post, so I have to reward him immediately......and he typically uses the scratching post three times a day but now that he has discovered he gets treats, he uses it multiple times per day or as often as possible, so I need a seal that I can manipulate instantly in order to reward him."

I used to be Claudia, back in seventh grade and I didn't understand why my other acne-clad peers cared more about the latest Abercrombie and Fitch shirt than they did my cat's favorite toy. It's why I didn't have friends. Yet, I was able to recognize the reasoning back then and adjust accordingly. Now I only allow that freak flag to fly in the appropriate company and poor Claudia is still going strong: middle-aged and without a clue (or at least a care).

The other type of cat person was represented in the gentleman I happened to be seated next to, and was therefore, my partner for our preliminary introductory exercise. We'll call him 'Bob'. This consisted of learning about our partner's cats, and what treats they like. Bob was a man of few words and probably a little bit on the Autistic spectrum. Fortunately, I was able to draw on my plethora of experience from days of my now ex-husband and his awkward company gatherings. Trying to make small talk (or any talk) with a group of male software engineers who cannot even speak amongst themselves about anything besides work on their day off, and as a female outsider really is fairly similar to this form of cat person.

Me: "So Bob, how many cats do you own?"

Bob: "Two."

Me: "What are their names?"

Bob: (long pause) "Snowball and Hearny." (Note: these names are not protected).

Me: "How old are Snowball and Hearny?"

Bob: "Two and Four."

Me: "Oh, okay! What type of treats do you feed them?"

Bob: "Ones that are on sale."

Enter: long pause as Bob stares awkwardly at me then looks away as the other pairs of ladies are describing stories of their cats in lengthy detail (Claudia, I'm speaking about you).

Me: "Have you had cats your entire life?"

Bob: "No. They're my wife's cats"

.....PAUSE

Bob: "Have you had cats your whole life?"

SCORE!!!! The ice is broken.....

My reasoning for bringing up the fact that this was a panel was mainly due to Bob, of whom I'm pretty sure would have rejected the opportunity had he known we would be discussing every detail regarding the needs of cat treat packaging in our daily lives.

There were a few other entertaining moments. First, just the fact that people care so much about their cat treat packaging. "This one didn't rip across straight so now I would have to go get the scissors".

GASP! Oh no. How unfortunate for you that you now have to put down the new package of treats.....walk five feet......open a CABINET, and retrieve a pair of scissors. Then you have to cut a line.

The atrocity.

The horror.

Your day is clearly ruined because of this tragedy.

The other large observation that I couldn't help but noticing was how many treats people actually feed their animals. There are always stories about overweight animals but my God.....after hearing how many treats people feed per day (The average was around 5-8 at a time, about 3 times daily), it's a wonder that every American cat is not diabetic. Clearly I was the asshole of the bunch with my "1-2 per day, sometimes none".

I could feel the horrified eyes burn at my flesh as I announced this.

Moderator: "Why do you only feed your cats 1-2 treats per day, Bay?"

Me: "The treats for the cats are tied to my dog's poop schedule. He gets a treat only when he has pooped because he never wants to. Then the other dog also has to get a treat to be fair, and then the cats come in and expect a treat as well, so the cats only get treats when the dog has pooped."

Shit. My inner Claudia just emerged.