Get Off My Lawn

Get off my lawn, the elder yelled

To crowds of little boys.

He kept their ball, he always telled,

He even broke their toys.

He kept an orchard but never shared,

Not so much as a raisin,

Tearful tots went unpeared

As fruit fell and rot in basin.

O eldritch grouch with heart so cruel,

Yet never raised such rumpus,

As in the merry tide of Yule

When preached he of the Krampus.

He comes for you with gaping sack

To snatch ye from ye family

A stinking scratchy burlap attack

Is what he hollered hammily.

Came anon the day and ere the cock

The gleeful grump was waking

But from his window espied with shock

Naked buttocks shaking.

For Santa came and Krampus skipped

And joyful kids were cheering

And amooning ho they gladly tripped

To set their butts ajeering.

O some may cry this poem is crap

No happy endings wanted!

Sit you back and shut your trap

By brats you aint been haunted.

Please come Krampus