Friday Feature: @Confusheyusss

It's Friday again, which means only one thing. FRIDAY FEATURE! This week we head to balmy, beautiful India to meet a Proser we are sure that you are aware of, and if you're not, you soon jolly well will be. Be upstanding for @Confusheyusss

P: What is your given name and your Proser username?

C: This is where the irony of my life begins! My given name means ‘one with no name’ so why bother at all. I have shortened and sweetened it to Ana.

My Proser username is Confusheyusss. Around two years ago I wanted a gmail other than my personal one. Confused about coming up with a unique username while simultaneously reading something related to Confucius made me come up with this. The “she” in there is pretty indicative, for people who are observant about such small things.

P: Where do you live?

C: I live in a small, slow-paced city that is situated right at the center of this magnificent peninsula called India. (It is the largest and the most diverse democracy in the world with booming population. No wonder ‘Kamasutra’ was our gift to the human civilization! Thank God for protection!!) Been living here for the last thirteen or so years. Earlier, during my school years, because of my father’s job we had to relocate to different city every 3 years. He is in Indian Air Force.

P: What is your occupation?

C: Day dreamer, writer, poet, a bum…sometimes all of those at the same time. I know! Such passion and so much multitasking, right? I am an expert; not.

Money makes the world go around and just because of that I have to work for real. For the longest time I have been in Content Creation/Curation. Just a few days back I accepted the Content Manager post for a private firm based out of Delhi. The work is bland and boring and too busy right now. Hopefully, once I get everything settled, I will have more time for myself. (I am seriously lacking in sleep. This answer specifically made me yaaawwwn!!)

P: What is your relationship with writing and how has it evolved?

C: It was during Middle School when I acknowledged my ease with this strange and foreign language – English. I loved reading my course book; the stories, the poems, and the Dramas. I used to finish the workbook during summer break! Ah…young love, I tell you! I remember being especially enchanted with “The Tempest” by William Shakespeare. I was fascinated. That was the first time it hit me; how a few words arranged in a specific manner can be so impactful. My classmates started noticing me, approaching me for doubts and answers.

I remember one incident, which is equally funny and disturbing. One fine day, the Hindi (Our National Language) teacher was giving back our marked test papers. I knew I had done badly. That whole experience used to be so humiliating! My name and my marks yelled out in front of the whole class…ugh!! With my head hung, I collected my paper and upon reaching my seat, went back to munching the bar of chocolate hidden under my desk. I guess she caught on as in the next instant she was glaring at me and yelling! Amidst the chaos and aftermath of shattered confidences, thankfully the students didn’t pay much attention.

She had called me an “Angrez” which is somewhat of an Insult here. It’s a degrading term that means ‘someone who is basically behaving like a foreigner or an English’. In my case, she used it because I was doing poorly in what was supposed to be my language and excelling in English! The very next day, I had ranked first in an English GK Competition. That day she praised me in front of the principal for being so good in English! I was so proud of myself!!

Unfortunately, within a year I had to transfer. In the new school, I was back to my awkward self. Grades slipped and interest wavered. One day, the girl sitting next to me was leafing through my rough notebook. In there she came upon two short poems. I had noted them down from my previous school’s yearly publication. She asked if I had written them. I still don’t know what came over me but I lied and said yes. Those two poems were my saving grace. Somehow words traveled to my English teacher and she praised me in front of the whole class. Shame and guilt had by then festered deeply inside me.

Then I decided if I can just write, the praise isn’t really wrong, is it? It made sense to my stupid brain. So, I wrote. Composed a few poems in the period of a few months. Back then, I believed anything that rhymes is a poem. And my work was infused with forced rhymes and stupid themes! So full of nonsense, really. Gradually though, that need for acceptance faded and I realized that writing for others just didn’t make sense.

I ditched that thin notebook and began writing for myself. I was surprised and overwhelmed by the feeling of gratification; it was the first time I had cried while writing. That euphoria is something as pure as love, I suppose. I cannot give it up. Ever.

What started as a pathetic attempt of a teenage girl craving acceptance and popularity, took form of passion that now keeps me sane. It’s still my saving grace. The difference is today I am not an idiot teenager who would do anything for the sake of acceptance. It evolves as I evolve, as I grow. It is because of writing I have learned to take everything that happens – has happened – in my life in stride; an experience that teaches me something and eventually molds me into a better person than I am today.

P: What value does reading add to both your personal and professional life?

C: As I mentioned earlier, I loved reading my course book. Later on, I realized there were too many reasons for that. Not just my ease with the language. Growing up in a fucked up, abusive environment, I constantly looked for some kind of escape. I found that in stories. Their lives were so different and something I wanted for myself. During the final exams in tenth standard (equivalent to high school, sophomore year), I remember reading a Film/TV magazine – beginning to end – before finally settling down to study.

Reading is the reason I am not a judgmental bigot today, like too many of my relatives and family members. Reading has taught me empathy and love and acceptance. I feel immense pride in saying that I am an open minded individual who is respectful of others. When you don’t have a person who teaches you to be the best person you can be, I guess literature does an amazing job of it. Every time I read, I learn. That never goes to waste.

My professional life is more about being aware of what goes on all around in the world. So, yes. Reading the news and current affairs kind of keeps me in the running, giving me that extra bit of edge over people who don’t give much importance to it.

P: Can you describe your current literary ventures and what can we look forward to in future posts?

C: I myself don’t know what my literary ventures will be, honestly! I want to submit a short story for an anthology. It will be published by Bella Books and the proceeds will be going to GCLS (Golden Crown Literary Society). I have been meaning to get to that. Procrastination!!

In my future posts, I can’t say. There will be something about love and romance, most definitely. I don’t really have a specific genre. Basically, I write about anything and everything that makes me think and feel deeply. We shall wait and see, won’t we?

P: What do you love about Prose?

C: Everything!! When it comes to writing sites, I have been around…I have been very slutty in this respect! And honestly, before Prose, I have always been disappointed. Writers here aren’t just talented, they are decent human beings! It’s a rarity, I am telling you. Kindness, in this time and age, is a luxury.

The whole hearted acceptance, encouragement, and recognition you guys provide to us writers is way beyond the norm. You interact with us, you include us in your ventures, you keep us informed, and you always put our needs and happiness at the forefront. Do you really think after that, there is anything not to love about Prose?? I fucking heart you, Prose!

P: Is there one book that you would recommend everybody should read before they die?

C: Come on, there can’t be just one book! Although, I would recommend people to read Paulo Coelho’s select works. At least, once. He will make you frown, scoff, grimace, and frankly, his philosophies will sometimes make you scream “WTF” but there is some sort of complex simplicity to his thoughts that intrigue me.

P: Do you have an unsung hero who got you into reading and/or writing?

C: No. No unsung hero, no mentor, no nothing! In my life I think I lack people who have the same mindset about writing and reading. It’s scary to see how limited their world is. In a twisted sort of way, I think I can thank my father for everything. If situation at home wasn’t so fucked up, I might be not who I am today. That thought is horrifying!

P: Describe yourself in three words!

C: Bonkers, Empathetic, Foolish

P: Is there one quote, from a writer or otherwise, that sums you up?

C: Personally, I don’t think it’s really possible to sum up a person in a quote. To sum myself up, well, I will have to write a memoir!

P: Favourite music to write and/or read to?

C: Today they make music which is good but with no sensible lyrics. So, when I am writing something light or humorous, I go with new songs – both Hindi and English. When I want feelings to simply overwhelm me, I go with simple songs with awesome lyrics – this mostly Hindi. And that too, old songs like from the 70’s through 90’s.

In reality, though, nothing is sure as I am too moody to be fixed with a single playlist. So, yeah. It depends on what I am feeling. I never listen to music while reading. Rather, I can’t. It distracts me and I do not like that.

P: You climb out of a time machine into a dystopian future with no books. What do you tell them?

C: Oh yess, finally a world where I am the smartest! I will fucking rule this world!!

If it really happens, then I will start a transport service and bring them all back in my time. A world without literature means our intellect is at a standstill and that world is not worth living in.

P: Is there anything else you’d like us to know about you/your work/social media accounts?

C: This whole thing gives an impression of a self-absorbed idiot. I don’t want to bore the readers further. Although, if – by chance – you want to follow me or befriend me on Prose, you can do that or you can simply message me. If you want to, you can look me up on Facebook and Twitter. My username is the same as here.

Awesome stuff! Thanks to Ana for her smashing answers. Do that Prose thang and follow, interact and love. You know it makes sense!