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Dear Diary,

I think I’m going to get fired soon.

It’s not my fault. Not really. I know people will try to blame me. They’ll say updating my nanobots to an unstable beta build was a stupid idea, but they’d understand if they saw the new feature list. Psy-Monitoring, Bot-Enhanced Multi-Tasking, QuickHeal, Real-Time Healthy Behavior Suggestions, FocusMode, Bot-a-Friend, DreamViewer, and a whole host of other quality of life changes? Yes, please. You can’t blame a guy for being a bit impatient to try it out.

I know I had to scroll past a lot of legal disclaimers to get to the download page and click through a bunch of warnings just to install the update, but if the company knew the beta build was that unstable it shouldn’t even have been available to the public. So, again, it’s not my fault.

HR can’t blame me for violently attacking my coworkers. I didn’t have any control when it happened. It’s not my fault that the beta version of Real-Time Healthy Behavior Suggestions are less like suggestions and more like commands. So, whenever Bot-a-Friend would ask if I wanted to share my nanobots, Real-Time Healthy Behavior Suggestions would just take control over my body and Bot-a-Friend for me.

I don’t know what my coworkers were so upset about anyway. I’m sure their wounds hurt, but their new nanobots running QuickHeal fixed all injuries within minutes. I just hope Bot-a-Friend patches in a way to spread nanobots that doesn’t involve saliva or other bodily fluids. It’s gross and my jaw’s still sore from all the biting.

And yeah, there was some lost productivity when all my newly Bot-a-Friended coworkers and I would scramble to Bot-a-Friend the next person to walk in the office, but I think it was more than made up for by the productivity gained by everyone being forced to use FocusMode and Bot-Enhanced Multi-Tasking. It’s amazing how much work you can get done when nanobots physically disable your ability to move and look away from your projects. That is some top-notch stuff there.

A pop-up just appeared. Apparently, I’ve got only ninety-nine words to go before Psy-Monitoring is satisfied. I guess I’ll just keep writing whatever people write in diaries. I’m kind of a diary novice if you couldn’t tell. I wouldn’t even be writing this if it weren’t for Real-Time Healthy Behavior Suggestions “suggesting” I write a diary entry to reduce stress and improve my mental health. It won’t let me do anything else. I can’t even raise my hand far enough to scratch the itch on my nose. It’s a bit annoying.

Anyway, only fourteen words to go. Almost there. I wonder if it’ll let me finish my