full/filled.

I have forever been equally blessed and cursed in life

a man that has just begun to live, by rights, as he should

after a boy continued doggedly way past his sell-by date.

Playing now to the strengths I have, but before never would

after chasing dreams of those to whom I could not relate.

I was a drug user, an alcoholic, a sex addict, all party,

overly confident, positive and anesthetised continually.

Now I don’t smoke or do drugs, drink, drunk moderately

sex is with one person, at a time, all the time, sometimes.

Yet I struggle with the black dog that hid cowering behind

the excesses, suppressed stresses, perceived successes,

and those I impressed in and out of short dresses

a tally of feast, hedonistic pleasures gorged with aplomb

yet respectful, and smiling, enemy-less, number one.

I am still a boy, but wear the mask of a steady man

for the grey world, yet let inner child out when I can.

The nonfiction now fiction, what was real hewn now in words

The blips on my radar all worthy, too late to gaze past birds.

Hard working, harder dreaming; this meandering life has been full,

yet if I died today, in this time of solidity, it would still be cool.