Overflow

I died as I lived, and lived as I died. Look away; the pain is still trapped in my eyes.I loved as I hated and hated my love, I cursed and I cried at the God up above. You know me as someone who never had sense, but beneath this insanity, I see through your lens. I'm scared of myself and the world's scared of me. I'm probably scared of just who I could be. Oh, the things I could do! The words I could say! It's such a shame that I wasted my days. 

I cried as I laughed, and laughed as I cried. My words spilled over and I choked as I lied. You didn't believe me. I saw it in your eyes. I killed everything I loved, everything died. I choked up the ink I used to print out my books, I shelved my emotions with the effort it took. I stored them in cabinets, neat little nooks. At night I'd have freak-outs and rip them all down, I'd swim in my bathtub in hopes that I'd drown. I'd wake up in the morning and find my works destroyed, and blame them on feelings and wishes and boys. I changed myself to turn away from the lies, I tried as I failed and failed as I tried. I shut off the light to make room for the dark, I hid my fearful, fast-beating heart. You may not believe me, think I'm made of lies, but I died as I lived and lived-as I died.