To the universe, karma, God, who or what ever the f*ck it is which runs our lives!

Ok so I was always told as a child "Treat others as you wish to be treated" so I have always done that.  I was always led to believe that if you are a good person then good things will happen, so I have strived to be a good person and to help others. 

So what the hell happened?

Why has my life been so crap?

And no do not give me the whole "Well you make your own bed" or "We are masters of our own destiny".  NONE of the bad in my life was of my own doing, I could not control any of it.

First you or whatever it is ruined my childhood, the father I´d always known turned out to be a sicko, a paedophile.  13 times we moved when I was a child, when the sicko was caught we lost everything for his sins! My mother, two sisters and I ended up homeless, in debt, confused and alone.  Our world ripped into shreds.

Then when I did find love and peace you it away from me.  You took my baby son away and the man I loved, you stamped on everything I built up. And you made sure I was awake through it all, you did not even have the decency to make sure I was unconscious when it all happened!  So you left me with vivid memories of my son laying dead, my husband ripped and broken, my mother and sister injured.  You did kindly allow my husband to survive though, how thoughtful...but as a stranger, someone who did not know me, someone changed and cruel.  In doing so you made me at times hate the only man I have ever loved!

While that was happening and we were in hospital our home was burgled and burnt down, everything treasured from a lost life gone forever.

6 years after at 28 you made me barren, menopause at 28 so no chance of more children.

Just for good measure you fucked with my mind, my health and now I am some kind of freak who has to be on pain meds, sleep meds and what ever else just to get through the day! 

After fucking with me you started on my daughter who survived the crash in the safety of my womb.  When she met and fell in love you decided it should be with a liar, an abusive man who whittled her sanity down to the bone! 

She went from being a confident beautiful girl to a ghost who chose to cut her wrists to stop the pain she felt daily, even after leaving her abusive ex, he still messed with her head.

Again you hurt an innocent girl, one nurtured with the same values I was given as a child,

be a good person and you cannot go wrong.  It has taken years to heal her wounds mentally and physically.

Well it is all bullshit!!!!!

I have never hurt anyone, I have shared when I had barely nothing of my own, cared when I had no obligation to do so, fed the poor, healed the sick, loved the unloved, fed the homeless, even saved a mans life...a strangers life!

I do not eat meat, cheese, drink milk or harm animals in any way, I help them as much as I can, I am as good as anyone could possibly be so where have I gone wrong?

What did I do for you to choose me?

I know others have had a worse life than me, I know others have suffered more, so on behalf of those good people who also did not/do not deserve it...why us?

I was told it is a test, well when does it end, when can I start reaping the rewards of being kind, caring, understanding, supportive and selfless?

When will you start punishing the wicked and the greedy instead, I see many who live their lives cruelly, badly and yet they are given everything, good luck, good health etc

When will the good, the meek, the needy be allowed the same gifts as the cruel, greedy and the abusive?

You suck!

I could tell you to stick all the "Be a good person" up your ass but I have my own code of ethics, see I did not do everything for rewards, I did it because I AM a good person.

I just wonder why I have been punished for it, why others have too.

My reward the one I ask for is simple:  Just leave what I have alone, stop with all the drama, the pain, the health issues, the constant bad luck.  Just let my family and I be.