Hollow

I am on my knees

for a god I no longer believe in,

        How long ago did I stop?

in a place I vowed

I would never enter again,

        For fear

trying to find some meaning

in all that you did

        I can’t

and all that you

wanted to do

        Longed

but didn’t; kneeling

for the nights I could not even

        Slightly

close my eyes without seeing you, kneeling

for the earth that is locked in the orbit

        Aimlessly

of the thing that slowly kills it; please

let there be some meaning

        Somehow

to this- to all that you did and

all that you didn’t

        Why not?

and all that I don’t want to remember

but don’t know how to forget;

        Between memory and nightmare

even kneeling for this pretend god

can not bring me

        with heaving, hurting chest

to find meaning

in the meaningless.