Finding My Crowd/ I would have thought...
Finding My Crowd/I would have thought...
I would have thought that by now
I would have found my people
I would have found my crowd
My crowd with who I am fine being around
There would be an undeniable sense of belonging
A spirit of companionship, camaraderie and community
No questioning of loyalty because that’s a certainty
No doubt
I would have found my social circle
And been fully settled in
And gone past that awkward hurdle
Of gaining trust, understanding and acceptance
And knew who my closest friends are
I would have found persons who shared the same interests
Liked the same things
Possessed similar attributes and the same traits
All like-minded, creatively open and not one-sided
We would do basically the same things for fun
This is how I thought my race would be run
I would have thought by now
I would have found my feet
I would have found my place
I would have found my street
Adulting instinctively without missing a beat
Excelling at every given task
And meeting each new feat
I envisioned a High speed chase
With success where I’m oblivious to defeat
Where the regrets of leaving my parents’ home
And standing on my own
Would by now at least retreat
I would have thought by now
I would have found my path
I would have found my journey
I would be making the most of every opportunity that comes my way
Because I was confident in my abilities and would seize the day
I would have fully grown
Grown and grown, but not just exponentially
In terms of stature, yeah 6 ft in height but a Giant in character
Also grown exponentially in terms of maturity
Leaving no space internally for worries and anxiety
And graduated from self-pity and self-hatred
I would have thought by now
I would have been certain of
What I would be in the future career-wise
But I remain indecisive as to where I should specialise
I would be certain of what the future holds
So certain as if my goals were set in stone
Neither naysayers or self-doubts could break the mould
I would of my destiny be in relative control
I thought by now I would have found myself
I would have been walking in my purpose
I would have known the workings of my moral compass
What values were negotiable from those non-negotiable
Known what I stood for and what I believed in
By this time I would have been assured in what my worth was
I would have been comfortable in my skin
So comfortable I would be proud of my own twin
If I had one,
I know I would be proud of me and proud of him
I don’t know, I don’t know
I guess I would have thought that by now
My life would have been perfect
I thought my life would been just how teenaged me would have imagined
My adolescent existence should have been much different
It shouldn’t have been this unsightly mess
But that’s just the incomprehensible thing about life, I found for me
You can set goals to be achieved by certain time dates
You can have dreams to be realized and plan it to a T
But that’s no assurance that the proposed plot will stick to the script
Sometimes it’s a matter of your own doing
Sometimes it’s not, just an act of fate
In this transitional phase, growth occurs at varying rates
It’s inevitable so of course it’s expected to be somehow manifested
But it’s still an organic process to grow
Sometimes it’s linear- predictable, even and slow
Sometimes it’s exponential - very fast paced
But in any case,
It’s best if you try not to ascribe a fixed timeline or a set age
Focus on yourself because not everyone is on the same page
The best advice is that you just have to
Trust the Process.
(c) A.Williams, 2017.