real love

“Remember” came the voice of my best friend John as the light faded “Once you’ve gone in you might never come out.” There was a heavy thunk as the chamber was sealed and it was dark. I took a deep breath and the scent of decay flooded my nostrils. A purple speck illuminated in front of me. Like a single star in space it stared at me, unblinking. Then slowly it was joined by another as the time machine began its climb to discharge. 'What am I doing!' my mind screamed as I began to panic. The lights began to swell, pulsing as the energy of 10 nuclear reactors was pumped into them. 'You have nothing to stay for,' I reasoned with myself 'but now you will be the first of all mankind to know the truth.' A prick of pain shot through my arm. I jumped and jerked my head to the right. The light, now the size of a grape, had sent a thread that weaved to my arm like a snake through the sand. Then all around me the lights began to inject their essence into me. I arched my back and gritted my teeth as what felt like a hundred needles plunged deep into my skin. Then the fire began, and it felt as though someone had dropped an ember on my arm. Jerking my arm to my face I looked, and in the purple glow I could just make out the skin surrounding where the thread had attached itself. It was burning. 'No!' I fell back against the wall in shock. More strings of light plunged into me and the burning became an inferno. “Arraghhhh!” I howled and my muscles began to spasm. All I knew was pain and then there was nothing. I can not truly explain what I felt after that moment. It was like sinking. You try to grasp for the light above you but you can’t, and darkness becomes all you know. But as I sank something caught me. A purple ghost, formless and void, oozed out of me surrounding me in its haunting light. And then it began to pull me, yanking me from the darkness. It threw me upon long grass and then receded into me. I do not know how long I lay there, a second, a millennia, or maybe I am still laying there, my body, still and alone in the waving grass, but eventually I sat up. Around me were endless rows of trees standing among a golden sea of grass ungilating in the light breeze. I felt strange, like one does when you just wake up from a dream. I must have always been here but who was I. I blinked and rubbed my face with my hands. They tingled as they touched me. 'Thats strange.' I thought, but was it? 'Maybe I was always this way' I reasoned but something just didn't feel right. I grabbed a nearby tree as I tried to stand. “Arraghhhh!” the sound of agony echoed through my mind and I fell back. 'What?' I asked and I looked to the tree. It was brittle and dead. I reached forward and touched it."Arraghhhh!" I pulled my hand back and stared. Then, I grasped it. An image flooded into my mind. Darkness was all around me. Then a speck of purple light appeared before me. It grew and others joined it and they began to empty themselves into me like lightning striking a tree. There was pain, a scream of agony, and the vision ended. I let go. Memories began to crash upon me like waves upon the shore and I fell to my knees. I heard John, as he pleaded with me not to go, I saw myself as I told my wife I would be the test subject and I remembered my tears as I discovered there was no God, no purpose ,and no hope. I was Jack Couper, a dreamer, a genius and a fool. I knelt among the grass as my life flashed before my eyes. I took a deep breath and rose to one knee. Then I stood and ran my hands through my hair as I looked around me. They tingled, the sensation traveling through my arm and into my chest. I looked at my hands. They seemed normal but had a purple tint, almost an electric glow, about them. I looked back to the dead tree and then to the endless rows of trees beyond it. “This must be limbo.” I said aloud. A theoretical place that was without time. I looked back to the dead tree 'This must be mine.'  Nearest to my tree stood a pine, not as tall as many of the others but beyond its youth. I walked over to it and hesitantly pinched one of its needles. Nothing happened. I ducked under its branches and rubbed my fingers along its rough bark. Suddenly my vision faded and I was seeing thru the eyes of a different man. “I’ll see you later ok sweety,” said the man “ Ok daddy.” came his daughters reply. The man opened the door but stopped as his wife called “Don't forget the groceries John”. I let go. 'This tree, this is John's.'  I looked to the horizon. “These must all be people.” I said, as I walked back over to my tree “But why is my tree dead?” I asked out loud. A little ways away I spotted a tree similar to mine, but it was taller. I put my hand to its trunk. My vision faded as the sound of a pump greeted me and feeling of a warm hand. I couldn't open my eyes and they felt heavy like someone held them closed. I felt weak and frail like I had been swimming for a long time and now it was time to sink. “Please mom.” whispered the woman. “God please!” and then I felt my head go under and I drifted into darkness. I let go of the dead tree. “So that must mean, I’m dead.” I said outloud. “Well mostly dead.” added a mans voice. I whipped around and there stood before me a dark skinned man in a white robe. He extended his hand to me with a friendly look on his face. I stared and then slowly took it. “Hello.” he said as we shook hands. “My name is I am.”  'What?' My mind tripped as as I tried to grasp what he said. “What are you looking for?” The man asked. “Uh I don't know,” I said staring “Who are you?” “I am” he said. “But how did you get here?” I asked. “I came here for you.” he answered “Now, what are you looking for?” “But how? Did they send you here before me?” I questioned him, confused. “You mean your scientists. No they couldn't get anyone here if they tried” he said with a chuckle. " I let you come here so you could find what you were looking for". “But where is here?” I asked. “Your scientists back on earth liked to call it limbo but It's more of a sanctuary if you ask me.” 'So the time machine worked. I’m not on earth' I thought. I took a step back from the man. “What are you?” I asked “Don't worry.” he said holding out his hand “I’m flesh just like you.” and he showed me a scar on his palm. “Here, let me show you something,” and before I could respond the earth shifted under my feet and we were transported to a different place.  Shaken I fell to my hands and knees and gripped the grass. “Ya, it's a little frightening the first time.” He said and he helped me to my feet. “I’m pretty sure this is what you wanted to see.” I looked up. Before me stood a waterfall whose top was obscured by the clouds that encircled it. It flowed with power and beauty, casting rainbows werever the sun hit its mist. And the trees that surrounded it grew tall like redwoods stretching into the clouds. “Touch it.” The man told me. I looked at him 'Why should I trust you?' I thought. “Because I know you better than you think.” he answered 'What? Did you just read my thoughts!' “Ya its one of the things I can do.” He said “Now go, touch it.” 'I guess I don’t have much of a choice' I thought and I wandered toward the water. I looked back and the man gave me a wink. I turned and took a deep breath putting my finger into the water. My vision faded and the world went black. Nothing happened, I felt nothing, saw nothing, heard nothing, there was just nothing. Then like fire works everything, every event, feeling, sound, sight, thought, everything filled my senses. I yanked my finger from the water and flew back like I had been hit by a bus. The man chuckled and walked over to my dazed from lying on the ground. “You might want to use time to limit what you see. Just imagine you're touching a river instead of a waterfall. I guess you could try a water fall again, that's my favorite way to view it, but if you have never lived outside time before it's a little… surprising.” I looked up at the man 'What am I doing! I die, go to limbo, and then become a strangers entertainment' “ Not quite,” he said “ remember you're only mostly dead, I'm not a stranger and you're not here to entertain me, although you have done quite a good job so far”. 'And the man can read my mind.' I continued as he helped me up 'I must be going crazy! Maybe this is all a bad dream and I’ll wake up any minute now.' “Sorry that's also wrong. Here let me help you.” he grabbed my hand and dove his other hand into the water. The world went dark and there was nothing. What happened next cannot be explained for there is nothing like it on earth. The man became three beings and yet remained one and together and through one another they created. First there was light and it shown from Them, brighter than any supernova. Then from them expanded an empty void a canvas on which a masterpiece could be painted. They flew forward, and created a planet, a floating ball of water. They spoke and the water receded giving room for the sky. Then land grew up from the water and plants sprouted and flourished. Next They made planets and stars and put the sun and the moon before the earth. The sun to govern the day and the moon the night. Then from Their imagination flew forth everything that flies and below them the sea shook as every animal that lives in it came into being. They came down to the earth and summoned all animals that walked upon it into existence. Then They stooped down and from the dust, made one like themselves to rule over every other thing they had created. And to this creature They gave something that made him special, Their own breath. Only this creature could know Them, could love Them and it was the best creation of all. They named him man and looked upon all they had made. "It is perfect" they declared. The man let go of my hand and the vision faded. I stood, frozen by my heart, as the emotions of the Beings lingered. I blinked stunned. I had never felt like this before and for once in my life my mind became secondary and my heart was first. 'This is what I’m looking for.' I felt full, complete, and happy. “I knew that was what you were searching for.” said the man. “This.” I said out loud as the realization dawned on me, “This is what I’ve been searching for my whole life. What the world has searched for forever.” Who was that?" I asked with excitement "The beings I saw, who are they?"  I turned to the man. Then, as I looked into his face recognition lowered my brow. “You. You're one of them!”  “All of them really, but I’m one of them too.” He said grinning. “Who are you?” I asked “I’m God as you often refer to me.” The joy fled from me and I bristled as the word God was uttered from his lips. "Wait, you're God? The all powerful man in the sky." I said with a mocking tone. "I am." he replied. "There is no God. That's just a superstition, a crutch for the weak to give them hope." I said. "Yet I'm here." "Fine." I consented, I would humor him. "If you're God prove it.". "Ahhh yes, you always need proof." he said with a sigh "So many have asked just as you do and they saw nothing but had to rely on faith. But to you I have granted the opportunity to see proof." Then the man began to shine and was transformed before me. Never before or since have I seen such buity, such glory and such power. I fell to my face as if my strength was sifted out of me. When I lifted my eyes he was just a man again. He reached out toward me, "Here, stand".  I didn't take his hand  “Where were you?” I asked. “All my life I looked for you and I believed for so long but you weren't there. So many times I asked for proof, the world asked for proof, but you gave us nothing. If you made us, if you're God, then where have you been all this time. You did nothing when Lucy died. All you did was watch as we suffered!” “I know you have…” "No.” I jerked back from his outstretched hand forgetting my fear “ You don't know me. You don't know any of us. All you know is how to make us suffer!” “Then I will show you.” He said sorrow etched upon his face. Suddenly I felt very sleepy as if weights rested on my eyelids and my legs buckled. The world around me dissolved and I stood among the stars. “You are god,” came a his voice " Do as you wish". “I won't play your game.” I yelled back but silence was my only reply. I stood for a time, looking opon the earth as it slowly spun before me, angry and stubborn. But soon my anger burned down into a grim determination and my stubbornness yelled. I looked on the earth 'Fine' I said "I will not let the world suffer as you do."  I willed time to reverse, to go back to the beginning were it all fell apart. At first nothing happened but then I could just desern the earth as it slowly began to spin backward. The planet picked up the pace and the moon began to wirl around it like an electron around its nucleus. Then It and the other planets began to move in space. Going around there orbits faster and faster the whole galixcy began to spin. Suddenly it stopped. Everything froze and I knew I had arrived at the beginning. I brought myself down from the heavens and landed on the earth in a buitful garden. 'Wow' I thought as I landed ' this is pretty cool.' All around me birds flew and a morning mist arose from the ground. The sun trickled threw the trees and landed opon buding flowers as oxen grazed. I remembered my sunday school lessens and searched for the tree of knolage of good and evil. I found it, the only tree of its kind, and it stood far above the rest. I stared at it and imagined it consumed by flames during into ash. Then, just as I had imagined, The tree burst into flames and withered beneath my gaze. 'Man I could get used to this!' I thought crouching. I launched my self into the sky and then back into outer space. "look how easy that was." I called into the emptiness. "I did it, now wake me up." The silence was defining. "Look" I dove down to the sinless, future earth "Look how happy they are." and indeed everyone was happy. I willed my self invisible and began to explore the perfect world I had made. All around me smiling faces greeted one another and the world they created was wondrous. civilasiton and nature co-existed benefiting from one another. The world was fear less, wonderous, and beautiful. "Why would You give us the earth when we could have this." I called out to God. "What does this future lack?" "Love." came His reply and He materialized in front of me. "No your world lacks love, but this is perfect." I said accusingly. "Let me show you something." He said and he took me to one of houses near by. He walked threw the wall and inside. I hesitated but followed, willing the wall to pass threw me. "You see this child" He said gesturing to a small boy playing beside him. If he could feel pain and if you wiped him a thousand times over, after it all he would say he loved you. If you were his father and you forsook him. If he spent his entire life in agony because of you ,when he met you he would say he loved you. Why? because that is all he can say. He cannot choose to hate he can only love and because of this he is only a robot. Programed to say, programmed to be programed to love." The dream dissolved around us and we were back by the water fall. "But do you see this." He asked as He walked over to one of the towering trees near the water. "These are my fathers children who live with him in a world that is perfect like the one you saw. But the difference between my fathers world and yours is these had a choice. Here touch." I walked over and put my fingers to the bark. My vision faded and I looked opon a croud of people as I stood in the middle of a dusty street. Whoof ,a stone sized by my head and I called out "Hear how God loves you." Pain crushed my shoulder and I fell on my face. All over my body I felt my bones breaking as stones pounded into them. 'Please,' I thought as a rock cracked my skull 'forgive them'. The pain faded and There was nothing. I let go and looked into the mans eyes. "That is real, unconditional love like my father has tword you