When the bough breaks

Childhood is so carefree, for most kids. But his has been an ongoing obstacle course. He was seven months old when the accident happened. Cruel cliche that it is, he was dropped on his head by a teenage girl. There were no dilated pupils, no evidence of concussion, just a rattled baby, trying to drown out the sobs of a devastated teenage girl. It wasn't until after he'd quieted that my finger dipped into a dent in his skull.

He was such a trooper while the ER doc pushed on his head, even smiling and laughing with him. "The way he's acting, I can see he's not in pain. We'll do a CT scan to be safe but I'm sure he's fine". Famous last words. Next thing I know, his head needs to be stabilized and not allowed to move AT ALL! IMMEDIATELY!

He has a head fracture and will need surgery. Only none of the hospitals here deal with head trauma so they're taking us to ICU in Phoenix.

Before they can operate, I must sign a consent form stating I am aware there can be complications, possibly resulting in death. I feel sick and want to scream "his life has barely started! How can this be happening?!" I have no choice. His infant body is so tiny on the bed they wheel toward the surgical room. They stop at the doors so I can say goodbye, since parents are not allowed to be present. The double steel doors lock with resounding finality and I am helpless.

He pulled through just fine. The surgery was a success. Two more days in ICU, and he was good to go. But he would not be allowed to sit up by himself for quite some time. They couldn't take the chance he might lose his balance and bonk his head. Or ride in a carseat without a brace to keep his head from moving from side to side. Or sleep unmonitored, since he needed to stay on his back in the same head brace. His physical growth drastically slowed down. All of his major milestones were far behind the average kid his age. Some of them never happened at all.

With long term neurological damage, there is no set path for the brain to take. There is no logic to what it understands and what it doesn't. My boy can shout out the correct answer to his older brother's math homework, but cannot master legibly writing. Anything. He has an extensive vocabulary, which he creatively employs. Yet is barely learning how to communicate some basic wants and needs.

Since these issues also apply to behavior, he is often unable to be reasoned with. Discipline is a brand new game with completely different rules. As a result, he has been expelled from a couple of different daycare/after-school care establishments. Kids at school don't want to play with him. He is constantly working with occupational therapists, speech therapists, psychiatrists, trying to reteach his brain to follow logical paths.

Six years of helplessness, so far. For him? A lifetime of fighting for each tiny step, for every friend, for the simplest things to just make sense. All over a split second accident.