On Ambiguity

Language was created just to fuck everyone over. Or at least, modern language. I'm sure the first person to think, "Hey, maybe we should use the noises we can make as a basis of communication" was a great person, and didn't mean any harm; S/he probably just wanted a more efficient berry-picking team or something. I mean, s/he definitely changed caveman-hood forever, and consequently altered the entire paradigm of socialization. No, when I say, "language was created just to fuck everyone over," I am referring to the very vague words that we use to communicate incredibly specific things.

For instance, if I were to say to you, "I am happy," you would ask me why (supposing you are not rude, and a terrible conversation partner). And after you asked why, I could respond in an infinite number of ways, all of which would make sense within the confines of the claim "I am happy." I might tell you that I just got engaged, or that I've meditated to the point of transcendence, or that I found a penny on the ground outside. And, despite the fact that these are all vastly different experiences, you would think something to the effect of, "Ah yes, what a happy thing." Of course, you would think other things as well, and each of my hypothetical statements would probably launch us into 3 very, very different conversations. We might discuss napkin colors for my wedding, or how it feels to achieve enlightenment in a world shaped by the macabre, or the sorry state of my bank account causing me to get excited over a penny. But all of these exchanges revolve around one word: Happy. This word (and many others like it) is so vague, so pointless, that I can use it to start virtually any conversation I want to have; We have nurtured our language into an abyss of ultimately meaningless vocabulary.

Of course, there are those among us who consider themselves advocates of the complexities of human language. One such person might turn their nose up and say, "Ever heard of a thesaurus, Gina?" (I also picture this person in a red armchair and drinking pricy coffee, if this helps with your visualization). By this snarky quip, this person is trying to say, "There are many words besides 'happy' that one can use to convey their emotions. English is really a very vast and lovely language, and thesauruses are guidebooks in helping us use it to its full potential." To which I say, fuck thesauruses! Nothing is more annoying than needing a dictionary every time you talk to someone. If I were to say to you, "I feel very convivial today! Let's party!" You would probably simultaneously take a shot with me and resent my obnoxious use of a distant synonym for 'happy.'

Alas, I digress. Language was only invented to fuck us all over insofar as we insist there's a 'proper' way to use it: Those who use vague words are insufficient English speakers, and those who use specific words are pretentious bookworms.