A bit from my book

All my life I’d been sheltered by mother, no one wanted to play with me cus’ I wasn’t allowed out of the garden, or allowed to climb trees. Mother wouldn’t let me take part in school sports just in case I had an asthma attack and died.

You might think it’s normal for a parent to worry about their only child, but I was never diagnosed with asthma, mother just worried that one-day I might catch it off another child. Basically I wasn’t well liked at school, the first 6 years of my school life I had to wear a braces on my front teeth, not the nice small ones they have now, nope I looked like a rabid dog in a muzzle.

Then when I was 11, I had them taken off, but the damage had been done. No girls would talk to me, no boys wanted to hang with me. I was a fully-fledged loner, the school geek. Because of the teasing I didn’t want to be there.

The only girlfriend I ever had was Dorothy that was when I was 9.

She lived next door and I’d known her all my life, we used to play doctors and nurses in the back yard.

We had lots of fun in her Wendy house, she’d show me her “moomoo” and I’d show her my nob. One time when it was cold I complained that my willy was cold and felt like it was going to fall off, she suggested I put something over it to warm it up.

She used to make tiny outfits for her dolls and she had this little sequin jacket, so for a giggle I put that on my nob, after that my little Elvis would often dance to “Jail House Rock” for her.