To David

I know I hurt you when I chose to leave

You did not understand why

We were lovers, best friends and partners

Yet I chose to walk alone

I craved freedom and space to grow

To let my roots roam around the earth

Without feeling knotted and tied to a particular place, time or person

With you I felt that is what would have

You wanted to love me entirely

You consume my thoughts and body in all the way possible

I felt drowned in the whimsical sea of love

I should have been happy

But I knew I was not ready to swim it's depths with you

I did not have that sea within myself

I'm on my path now and I see that sea clearer than ever

I still long for you and wish more than anything to come to you

But I know that I am just paddling the surface

I have to dive deeper still within

And it must be done alone

I must learn to love myself

Before I know how to truly love you.

I'm sorry I was selfish

But it's what I needed to grow.

I miss you most of the time

Not all the time

I have forced myself

To cope with your absence in my life

Your number is carved into my brain

Ten digits that can never be forgotten

I want to call you

Pride gets in the way

Fear of rejection too

What if you don't love me like you used to?

Did I hurt you so much that I left you scared?

Calling you opens a new path for us

We cannot stay from claiming our souls as twin flames

And yet I pray when I do it's not too late.

Finding those ten digits now belong to someone else or worse no longer exists.

But if you are mine and I am yours

Time and lost words will always bring us back.

And if I am not yours and you are not mine

Maybe it's better I never called

But at least I hope you know

I will always love you

And I thank you for loving me so.