Unquotable Quotes

Some snippets here as I recall them from the family I was shackled to;

My Grandmother: Am I going to heaven or hell? To be honest I don't care because I got friends in both places.

My Aunt Emily (after I asked her about the potatoes she was peeling);

What are the eyes in the potatoes for? So they'll see us through the week.

My Mother; (on my turning up at home at 0430 in the morning); fuck you. Sleep outside.

My Brother Peter (staunch Bowie fan and self taught but rather rubbish guitarist); What's a gig? Are you fucking stupid?

There are plenty other treats I could expose, but that's enough for now.