wu wei.

"action without action"

"effortless doing"

an unassuming tao concept

it's something i often think about.

simple.

tiny.

confusing.

with gravity.

i have so many fucking words

i have so many fucking letters

i have so many fucking thoughts

that i want to get out.

i have wants.

i have needs.

i have lusts.

i have cravings.

i have jealousies.

i have pains.

i have hurts.

i have resentments.

but even more than that,

i have fears.

i have scars.

i have reservations.

—who the fuck am i?

"don't dwell on the details"

"don't use passive voice"

"don't write in first person"

"don't overuse adverbs"

—who the fuck are they?

who is the subject of this object?

what if i'm not an active kind of person?

when am i going to find

wherever it is that i'm looking for?

and how am i supposed to find

with all of this goddamn static

this fucking thing

that i am supposed to be?

'lo she lay

red

tarred and feathered.

at least part of me is having a good time.

schizophrenia must be something to someone

who cares where your friends come from?

is it so wrong to make believe?

do you really need rough sex to feel alive?

so fuck it

live a little

let go goddamit

forget about everything for once.

drink the colors of night

sing songs of shitty regrets

watch boring movies

write boring monologues

the drink won't give you courage forever

the legato will fade

diminishing into adagios

muted, cold staccato.

so dear me;

savor the ennui

find strength in the fear

lay out the words in your head.

write, you fuck

who cares if forcing metaphors

counts as a sin?

one thing's for sure;

lying to yourself is.