Clam

High school was the best time.

Boys learned to be men,

Girls blossomed into women.

What's so hard about it?

There are no worries.

There are no struggles.

What is wrong with kids?

I don't do enough.

That's what I've been told.

Seventeen with no job, no car,

No friends for miles, no man.

What do I spend my life on?

What have I been doing?

Why am I so behind?

My wrists no longer bleed

But my hands don't carry

The calluses of a working lady.

The breath I wasted

Gasping at a good grade

Should've been labored on work.

Why am I so useless?

My head no longer beats

The dull drum of pain;

Instead it insists on

Reminding me of past failures

Thoughtless and careless actions

I thought I'd planned so well.

Why am I so irresponsible?

My GPA reads that I am good,

But my bank account nulls.

My cards don't exist

Though no one yells about debt.

Zeros are worse than debt.

Without money, I'm useless.

Why can't I do anything right?

My ribs aren't visible

But my face isn't slathered in make-up,

My hair never done,

My nails untamed.

Not like something deters efforts

Since I just "play around".

Why can't I be normal?

I have never broken a bone,

The words of hard defeat.

My back merely bends,

Not snaps from the world's weight.

My heart merely thuds,

Not races from the rat race.

Why can't I be good enough for you?

I am merely a clam,

Smothered under your pressure.

Something inside of me grows,

But I am not to touch it,

Not to nurture it as I need to,

Not to learn to take care of it.

Why can't you see?

I am crumbling.

My once iridescent light

Sullies under your weight,

Dents under your mass,

Succumbs to your pressure.

My pearl is no longer a sphere,

Rather a mushy, oozing ball.

Why can't you just let me be?

I want to revert to the bad,

Cut arms and missing assignments,

Sleeping and eating all day,

Not even trying to suffice.

My efforts are invalid anyway.

But I wouldn't feel this way

If you had just stopped pressuring me.