A different form of death

The crash is what caused my fear of death.

Everyone in all of those cliche books has a car crash, where either their parents, or the main character dies. Sometimes, it's tears that blur their eyes. Sometimes, it's just a bad accident. Sometimes, it's murder.

But there's almost always a crash.

And that's what happened in my case.

My parents told me that collision between two unknown sources is good. Two strangers could become best friends. That's how my parents met.

But me, I was an introvert. I hated people. Most of all, I hated collisions.

Sometimes, I think that everything will be okay. I will find peace within my home, my empty home. Sometimes, I think, even when I'm bawling my eyes out during an anxiety attack, I think that maybe I don't need to be sent to an insane asylum. Maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay. 

That day, when another car hit mine, I couldn't breathe. And you know how in the books, people say that they saw all their memories flashing before their eyes. Well for me, it was different.

I saw all my dreams, all the memories I could've made, all the things I could've done, all the opportunities I had missed, flashing before my eyes.

That day, when I ended up in the hospital, I knew I hadn't lived a full life. I knew I hadn't reached my goals. 

And ever since, I've been afraid of dying before making an impact on someone. I'm afraid of death before I've lived. 

I realized that I couldn't spend my whole life, waiting for something good to happen to me.

I had to bring the good to others.

Maybe, just maybe, next time, it won't be what I could've done, but what I have done. 

(I KNOW: this is really crappy. U SHOULD KNOW: this is not a true story)