Security Guard

This is sad. It happened today. The man I thought I'd looked for all my life walked in the office. Let me back up. I noticed he started sending food to my department at work. I saw him pay extra attention to his uniform. He positioned his hair around me. He was a new security guard for the building. He was my age and handsome.

I'd grown interested, keeping a safe distance, but..interested. The man took care to notice details keeping all of us safe.

The handsome guard surrounded me and a friend at work. For the first time he'd spoken. He began to tell us of the night before in the next building he monitored. I interjected, enthusiastic about what he was saying. He paused. He paused so long I thought he'd gone catatonic or something. He said, "When I'm in a train of thought do not interrupt me." 

He continued his story as I filed my nail in a relaxed manner after apologizing I'd disrupted his thought. 

Little does this bastard know he has so been rejected by me. 

God bless his insecure ass.

How dare he embarrass me in front of my friend as I was encouraging him to tell his story.

What a dick.

He has no idea he is the one in the rejection seat.

Now I have to eventually explain to him his shortcomings. 

Now I won't get free food. 

He is so insecure he couldn't realize his insecurities fucked his own self over.

So sad.

So I guess the moral of the story is that it is not true that "The way to a mans' heart is through his stomach." 

The truth is, "The way to a good woman's heart is through her stomach and an ego sitting on the outside thinking about suicide."