Luci

“Hi I’m Luci, welcome to Hell! Make yourself comfortable we have cookies and punch over in the corner.”

“You’re Lucifer…?”

“Oh honey nobody has called me that in four hundred years.”

“Right. Luci.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Well besides being denied entrance at the gates of Heaven, um, it’s just that, well-”

“Spit it out kid.”

“Well you’re just not what I pictured when I thought of Lucifer.”

“Oh please just because my horns are purple instead of red doesn’t mean they’re any less menacing.”

“I meant the fact that you’re a wom-”

“So what’s your story? You strike me as the ‘I stopped going to church when I was 15 and I killed my roommate at camp without anyone noticing type’, or wait maybe an adulterer… I can’t tell.”

“My neighbor, not my roommate.”

“Ha! I was close. So your not much of a people person huh? I get it, I’m not either. It’s hot down here man and even though on the outside I’m a classy lady ya girl can get real sweaty real fast. People don’t tend to enjoy the scent. I think that’s why all the earthling are so wary of me.”

“Are you sure it’s not the horns and the dagger teeth?”

“These? People love these!”

“Right.”

“So what was the deal with you and your neighbor?”

“I’m just not a fan of people and close spaces. He was mowing his lawn and it got a little out of hand.”

“Yeah I’d say so.”

“When I pictured myself in Hell I always thought of flames and horrible torture devices. This isn’t so bad. You guys have cookies and I haven’t seen any demons yet.”

“Well don’t get too comfortable.”

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Oh nothing.”

“Why are we standing in front of an elevator?”

“I threw you a party! Over 100 people came to celebrate with you in this elevator!”

“I just told you I don’t like people or tight spaces!”

“Welcome to Hell.”