Bluebird Pt.1
42 Messages.
23 Missed calls.
5 New voice mails.
Kade read the notifications drowsily, eyes squinted at the brightness emanating off the screen. He lifted himself into a sitting position on the bed, wondering who on earth could have been trying to contact him at three in the morning.
He felt his lover shift beside him, face pressed gently into his thigh, as if tiredly asking why he had moved. Kade reached a soft hand down, pushing a few stray locks out of the other man’s face affectionately before he turned back to the matter at hand. He guessed it was probably just Mian trying to contact him about some drunken late night thought. She had gone through many bottles of vodka that evening at the party, after all.
He swiped the screen open, immediately opening the texts first, as they were in larger quantity. To his surprise, he saw his friend’s name at the top of the screen, someone he hadn’t expected to be trying to get a hold of him so early in the morning. He glanced through the old messages, lighthearted and happy, and paused at the change of tone the new messages took.
“Kade”
“Help”
“Help help help”
“Help”
“Help”
“Help”
“Help”
“Help”
The messages continued, seeming to only consist of that single word, although the spelling worsened the further down he got. He felt worry stir in him and sent a message of acknowledgement back before flipping to the calls. They were also from Tsubasa, from an hour ago, in fact, all within seconds of each other. He opened the voicemails left attached to the last few calls, but could not make out what was said in them. There was heavy breaths and sobbing, some words managing to come through the line, but none of them comprehensible.
He felt worry pluck at his brain and he quickly shuffled out from under the covers and into the cool air of the room. It sent a shiver down his spine, but he placed his feet on the cool hardwood floor anyways and moved to get dressed. He glanced back at his partner in the bed, as if worried he might wake up and question him or get lonely, but the other man had simply curled around Kade’s pillow as a replacement cuddle-buddy.
Kade pulled his pants on, watching his partner for a few moments while he wondered what could have happened to Tsubasa. He knew he had been a little more secluded as of recent, but had figured he had just been busy with the daycare. Although, knowing what had happened to him and his lover in the past, he wouldn’t be surprised if something had happened.
Kade grabbed his jacket on the way out the door, not wanting to waste time as he rushed down to his car out on the front lawn. He pulled out his phone as he got in, pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder. As he made his way to his friend’s home, his mind raced with what could have happened, sending a wave of anxiety through his body. It caused his stomach to flip and his mouth to dry up, hands twitching nervously along the steering wheel.
When he finally arrived, he was surprised to see no signs of Tsubasa even being home. No tiny red car in the driveway, no lights on in the upper loft of their home, and of course no lights in the daycare below. He knocked on the door, praying the car was just in for work or something and Tsubasa was actually home.
No response. They must be asleep He thought.
He knocked again. Still no response.
He tried the window, moving to the bedroom window and peer inside past the dusty blinds that Tsubasa never seemed to bother to open. Nothing. The bed was a mess and the door wide open. Tsubasa never kept the door open at night.
Kade felt his worry increase, hurrying back to his car and checking his phone again. Tsubasa had to have given him some kind of clue as to where he was. He scrolled the texts, all the cries for help. Nothing. Next the phone calls, the number he recognized well by now. Nothing. He tried the voicemail, still filled with crying and shuttering breaths that just worsened his anxiety. Nothing.
Wait
He paused.
There was something there, in the background – Low, rhythmic beeping. The bustle of professional voices. Stiff, starched sheets being moved. Muffled voices on an intercom.
A Hospital? It was his only guess and something in his gut prayed he was wrong as he started up the engine again and drove to the nearest hospital. The bright lights from some of the windows near blinded him as he parked, leaving him wondering why hospitals were always so bright and white.
He walked in the door, long strides leading him right to the front desk. His heartbeat seemed near in sync with the quick tapping of the receptionists newly manicured nails. There was a line, maybe two, three people in front of him and the wait nearly killed him.
“Um, Hi. Wouldn’t suppose there would be a Tsubasa Grahm check in here?” Kade asked with a small, but polite smile when he finally got to the front. He smiled a bit more awkwardly as the receptionist eyed his gang-styled self, up and down until she turned to her computer.
“Room 321.” She replied, turning to him with a tired, 3:00am desk work look, reciting the usual lines. “Are you family?”
Kade hesitated, glancing to the side for a moment. He wasn’t family, but he didn’t know why that would be necessary. “Yes?”
The woman eyed him for a moment before just sighing and waving him along, not seeming to particularly care at that hour of the morning, and Kade sped along his way. Down the confusing, cookie cutter halls he went, scanning the numbers on the doors for only a millisecond each.
318
319
320
He stopped, feeling the tension surrounding 321 hit him like a brick. It was almost stagnant, thick in the air like he couldn’t breathe. Even the nurses, who walked decisively down the halls, seemed to go in an arch around the door, as if not wanting to disturb the air around it.
Kade gulped nervously and reached for the door handle, quietly creaking it open to the just-as-white room inside.
“Tsubs? Tsubasa, buddy?” He murmured quietly, practically freezing at the figure who sat in the chair at the back of the room. If he could pinpoint the exact time his heart dropped into his stomach, it would have been that moment.
There he sat, head hung in an almost crushed defeat, eyes empty and hollow, like the concrete walls of an abandoned building in the middle of winter. His lips were partially opened as if frozen in the middle of speaking, yet they did not move and no sounds came out. Kade would have thought he was made of stone if not for the near violent shaking of his hands in his lap, dusted with a hastily wiped red. As hard as the pungent chemical smell of the room tried to cover it, a metallic smell still permeated Kade’s nose as he entered, all too familiar. What concerned him, though, was that Tsubasa’s partner, Adrian, was nowhere in sight.
“Tsubasa,” He murmured softly, silently cursing when his voice broke a little under the tension. “What happened…?” His steps were shaky and hesitant, and while he made barely any noise at all, he swore his footsteps echoed like thunder under the pressure of the room.
Tsubasa didn’t respond to him, no expression visible on his face other than the slack features of a dead man. Kade swore he had aged thirty years. He took steps closer, shutting the door behind him with a soft click to muffle the white noise of the rest of the hospital. He needed his friend in solitude if he wanted to get a word out of him.
“Hey…. Tsubs…” Kade whispered gently, bending down on his haunches to stand level with his friend. He waved a hand in front of his eyes. No response. He snapped his fingers. No response. He tried again and again to get is attention. No response. No response. No response.
“Tsubasa… It’s Kade, okay?” Kade murmured, staring at him with lost, worried eyes, probing for any sign of registry from his friend. “I…I’m here.” He reached a hand forwards, lightly touching the side of Tsubasa’s head to try and get his attention.
Finally a response.
Tsubasa’s head tilted upwards slightly, although still no emotion showed on his face. He only registered that Kade was there, in front of him. Kade nearly let out a breathy ‘thank god’ but kept it in the back of his throat. He didn’t have time to thank anything yet, not until he got him to speak.
“Hey, Hey… There are your eyes… What happened?” Kade questioned him, but received only a blank stare from Tsubasa, which only slowly trailed down onto the wedding band across his ring finger. Kade glanced down at it, brow furrowing in worry and pushing wrinkles into his forehead. “…Where’s Adrian?”
That seemed to do it; that was the key. Tsubasa’s eyes widened slightly and his hands shook more as the emotion flooded back into his pale face. He looked up with Kade, a shimmer in his eyes, but not the good kind. No, the kind made by big fat tears, ready to fall at any moment. In an instant, his face contorted into a pain unlike anything Kade had seen on him, teeth grit, mouth curved in agony, eyes squinted to try and stop tears. His mouth opened only to let out a choked sob as his eyes failed their job to catch his tears.
Heavy, burdened tears streamed down his cheeks and he turned his face into Kade’s arm, shaky hands jolting up to grab onto his sleeve, clinging to it as if afraid he would drown in his own agony. His eyes shut tight as his body heaved for air just to cough up more sobs. Kade’s sleeve was soaked in a matter of seconds.
He didn’t even know what to say, mouth twitching open as if he wished he had anything to say to calm the other man’s sorrow, but nothing came to mind. Nothing. No thoughts ran through his mind other than one, panicked question. What happened?
A nurse must have heard the cries, because the door flung open and two nurses rushed in to see what could have possibly happened. They didn’t even pay Kade a second thought as they softly, yet firmly, pushed him to the side and pulled at Tsubasa’s arms. Kade had been too caught up in the shock to notice that Tsubasa had begun to dig his nails into his arm, knuckles white in contrast with the red suddenly blooming around his fingertips. By the way the nurses acted alone, he could tell this wasn’t the first time this had happened in the time he hadn’t responded to Tsubasa’s messages.
Another nurse appeared at the door to quietly lead Kade away, forcing him to tear his eyes away from his desperate friend as he walked back out into the hall. He could swear he was shaking just as much as Tsubasa at this point, turning his wide, questioning eyes to the nurse. “What… what happened?”
The nurse gave him a solemn look and sighed, adjusting her wiry, ginger hair, tied up under her hat. She looked as if struggling to find the words, or maybe she knew the words but couldn’t bring herself to voice them.
“We… We could only save the spouse or the baby.”
- 3 Years later –
“Uncle Kade!” A tiny, slightly squeaky voice exclaimed excitedly, followed by the quick pitter patter of child’s feet as Kade stepped through the door. He let out a quiet laugh as a small child suddenly tackled his leg and hung on for dear life. “You came! You came you came you came!” She cheered excitedly, gazing up at him with starry eyes.
“Of course I came, muffin top.” Kade smiled at her affectionately, reaching down to pick the three year old up, adjusting her glasses for her on her face. “Did you really think I’d miss you’re most important day?”
“Nooooo, you always show up to my special days!” The girl giggled, patting his face lightly with her puffy child hand. “Did you bring me a present?”
Kade sighed and gave her a sad little look accompanied by a puppy dog pout, shaking his head. “Oh Taeru… I’m sorry, but I didn’t…” He murmured, holding back a smile as the child glanced down in a wave of disappointment. “... Didn’t forget to bring it!” He exclaimed, suddenly pulling a bag out from behind his back excitedly to show to her.
Immediately the child beamed and grasped at the bag, wanting to open it almost immediately. “Yay! Yay! Uncle Kade!” She cheered, looking over at the other few guests in the room. “Look Robynn! Uncle Shizu! Look look!” She exclaimed, squirming out of Kade’s arms, taking the bag, and ran over to the others.
Kade smiled softly as she ran away before sighing and turning to the short woman in the wheelchair nearby, her features resembling Tsubasa’s. “Hey, Nina.” He murmured, receiving a curt nod from the woman. “Where is he?”
“I’m not sure. Taeru opened the door herself.” Nina replied, smiling tiredly as Taeru ran up and jumped into her lap. Kade bent over a little bit with a gentle smile to ask her the same question.
“Tae, sweetie, where’s your Papa?” He asked gently, bracing his hands on his knees.
“Papa? He’s upstairs!” Taeru replied, wrapping her arms around Nina’s neck with a big, toothy grin.
“Thanks, pumpkin spice.” Kade smiled and ruffled her hair a bit before he moved to walk up the narrow stairway that led upstairs. As the sounds of the small birthday party dulled behind him, Kade hoped Taeru’s father was just making cake, or something.
He quietly opened the door, sighing at the silent creak of it. It reminded him of hospital doors, never oiled. He shut it behind himself and paused, seeing his friend laying on the couch. One hand hung limply off the side, face buried into the rough fabric of the pillow, Hair splayed out every which way. He fell asleep on the couch, again.
He stepped towards him, the stinging smell of alcohol berating his nose as he approached. He glanced down at the coffee table. Eight cans. Eight cans that night. Eight cans Kade wished Taeru hadn’t aptly nicknamed “icky juice”. Eight cans he hated.
Kade sighed heavily and bent down next to Tsubasa, gently shaking his arm in hopes of waking him from his drunken slumber. “Hey, Tsubasa. Your daughter is growing older without you.” He whispered, smiling a tiny bit as Tsuabsa stirred and glanced at him drowsily. “They’re gonna cut the cake without you, grahm cracker.”
Tsubasa groaned and sat up sluggishly, his skin pale and sickly, deep bags under his eyes. He looked up at Kade with a sigh, and Kade knew Tsubasa knew what Kade was thinking. Why do you do this to yourself? I’m here for you, talk to me.
“Shush. Save it, please. For another time.” Tsubasa murmured, sighing and standing up weakly. He put a hand to his head, wincing as he tried to fight off the impending headache. “Let’s go.”
Kade nodded and moved to help him downstairs, sadness filling his gaze as he noticed the small hole in his arm, the size of a needle. “They haul you off to the hospital again?” He asked quietly.
“Mm….” Tsubasa replied drowsily, nodding slowly. “Don’t worry… Tae was with Shizu that night.” He whispered back and Kade simply nodded, putting on a smile again as they stepped down into the party room. He watched as Tsubasa hobbled over to a chair at the table, smiling softly at his daughter as she ran up to him.
“Papa! You woke up!” She exclaimed, as if it was miracle, face bright and happy.
“Hey, bluebird… Having a good birthday?” Tsubasa slurred out quietly, running a hand through her hair softly. Kade watched the interaction with a quiet smile, sighing lightly as he heard Nina whisper something judgmental to Robynn behind him.
“Papa! Uncle Kade got me a present! Did you get me one too?” Taeru asked excitedly and Kade could see Tsubasa’s face crinkle in realization, not sure what to say. He forgot. He always forgot.
Kade stepped forwards quickly with a grin and ruffled Taeru’s hair. “Of course he did! He got you this!” He exclaimed, pulling a tiny blue dog plushie from his pocket. It was supposed to be a gift for his own son, Xoel, but he supposed he would just pick something else up on his way home. He caught the grateful, heartbroken glance from Tsubasa, dismissing it with his own, reassuring look. “Now go on, open the one from me, okay?” He grinned, watching Taeru run off to grab the bag from earlier.
Kade glanced over at Tsubasa quietly, his eyes hanging low with guilt, caught up in other thoughts while Taeru came back with the bag. The child stuffed her small hands into the tissue paper to fish out what she so desperately wanted to see. She gasped in joyous surprise as she pulled out a small, plastic tiara, silver and covered in dazzling plastic gems.
“It’s just like yours, uncle Kade!” She beamed, putting it on and dancing around, running from person to person to show them until she came back. “Papa! Papa! Look!” She beamed, staring for a moment and slowly looking disheartened when her father didn’t respond.
Kade gently nudged Tsubasa and is head jolted up quickly, staring down at Taeru in surprise. He stared for a moment before gently running a hand through her hair, which she smiled at. He smiled gently, little tears in his eyes that he quickly tried to hide.
“You look beautiful, blue bird… Just like Adrian…”