Things I loved in 2016

winter:

a sense of community

friends

the way sun hits on tan skin

his face

snow

small dogs

home

spring:

fog

europe

adventures

him

being taken care of

the calm before the storm

apologies

gifts

freckles

being honest

therapy

lying

letting someone help me heal

(wrong person)

telling myself lies

listening to lies

forgetting

disassociating

summer:

not remember the bad thing

hurting

blood (across my wrists and thighs)

singing to the Monster in my closet

finding the lies

punching things

people taking care of me

(who's fault is that again?)

recklessness

living

feeling

mania

fall:

Not being in the hospital 

(I got out quick)

Soccer

Panting, sweating, racing

Scoring

Aspens

Piercings

My hipbones

Thigh gaps

real friends

Mari

Dying

The hospital 

(it started to grow on me)

Cigarettes

Weed, 

everywhere always

Her

So much her it hurt

Hospital 

(again)

(she tried to kill herself)

loneliness

a new friendship from chaos

(surprising given our history)

being alone

independence

beauty

poetry

the moon

fairy lights

Myself